well yes i realise i have not blogged in a while but in my defence i have been blogging just somewhere else that's all. yep so this blog is officially closed, i'll take it down in a week. you can ask me for the address :)

Sunday, January 1, 2006

this thought just struck me this morning. i've been caught up with myself so much that i've kinda isolated myself in the way that i've forgotten to be a good friend to those around me, to reach out to them and basically to be there. i realise that for the past month or so my life has been so self centred, so focused on me / my feelings / wants / problems (real or imagined) etc etc. which is really so darned meaningless and i've been doing precisely what i dislike. its not about living life for yourself and ensuring your own best interests cos that would just be plain selfish. which in turn creates expectations and criticisms of other people when their actions don't suit your plan to be happy. and i guess if we live like that then we wouldn't really accomplish anything in our lives in terms of being a blessing to others.

and from a Christian perspective we definitely wouldn't accomplish anything in terms of God's work and ministry since in our lives He has specifically put people in our lives for us to help, to minister to. cloistered an egocentric world where you're totally preoccupied with yourself only means that you can't be sensitive to the needs of those around you and those needs go unmet. you really have to realise that its not about yourself because by default being a disciple demands surrender and sacrifice of your own interests / needs / wants / desires in order to serve. a Christian is first a servant of God and then of those around him. even Jesus washed the feet of His disciples what more us?

life is not about being happy, our search shouldn't be for happiness because it is so elusive. getting into a particular schoo/university, getting some car or high paying job or a boyfriend or something like that isn't going to make us happy because it is in our psyche to always want more. it never is enough. when something makes you happy, soon there is something else you need or want or something comes along to make you unhappy. life is about being content and contentment has absolutely no relation or dependence on your material and external circumstances but rather your attitude, your frame of mind and your mindset. you choose to be content and nothing can take that contentment away from you if you don't let it.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

after about 3-4 hours of sleep last night on a tiny patch of land i'm pretty zonked now. but i had a great time, the fellowship and sharing was good, there was fun and i got to spend time with my small group and get to know people better. so thank God for the small group retreat and for blessing us through it and for being among us. hopefully we move forward from here.

by the way sentosa is still as expensive as ever. but the go-kart thing is pretty fun hehe it can actually go quite fast. been watching quite a few movies which is good, i love movies, i'm a movie junkie. ohoh i just watched the da vinci code documentary thing which basically implied it was all nonsense. i think its quite interesting and disturbing the things people take as fact when they are in fact just very wild guesses linked to facts.

Monday, November 28, 2005

hehe i pwnz joo! simply because i have famous amos cookies and you don't. yummy. brought my brothers to watch sky high yesterday (see i am such a nice, loving sister). was ok lah. quite cliched, totally predictable. but oh well, its obviously not intending to be in the running for an oscar so we'll just take it at that.

my hands are superly painful. i have two burst blisters, 1 about to burst and many more developing ones. pain. plus i had a splinter yesterday which my brother removed for me while scraping off my skin at the same time.

psle results came out today. does not really affect except my godsister got her results. and also it reminds me of last year's headache when my brother got his. tis gonna be a really really busy weekend. got the play on sat night then retreat on sun-mon. oh well at least its something to occupy me. which reminds me i have to go to the mizuno sale.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

for photos go here. it has photos of prom and class dinner and other random class photos. all fps australia photos are here. admire my efficiency.

ok so prom was on thursday. afternoon was spent getting hair, nails and makeup done. haha it was fun i guess. dressing up, seeing everyone dressed up and going around taking photos. everyone looked pretty and vastly different. hahaha most people were too busy taking photos to pay attention to random stuff going on on the stage or to eat. by the time i got back to the table the fish was finished. and i maintain that they didn't shake the lucky draw box properly, they drew like 3 consecutive numbers and for the first 2 rounds they only drew the numbers from 0-100.

after that we went to rachael's house to sleepover which we only managed to get her to agree to after much persuasion. and she sucks. haha our cab was lost cos she didn't know how to give us directions to her house. lousy or lousy? uh it was quite funny seeing everyone crowded round the mirror trying to remove makeup. gave up waiting for the bathroom so ended up using rachael's bathtub which floods. actually i think we slept pretty early albeit after some dubious occurrences on the bed which entailed me falling off and ending up sleeping on the floor. we uh shall not go into the details *cough jenny cough*

so yesterday was spent recovering from the sleep deprivation. watched harry potter at night with my brother. which was ok i guess, like what i always say its entertainment. they cut out and changed a lot of stuff though but i guess its inevitable. had to rely on a starbucks toffee nut latte to keep me awake in the movie.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

have discovered the joys of playing civilization. very fun. hamstring does not feel any better. this is highly worrying. my aircon is malfunctioning. hm i have to remember to charge my camera, prom tomorrow. time to photowhore. hahah lovely. then tomorrow night can play bridge hurrah. was watching my dad's copy of the eagles dvd and man the guitar is so cool. they are so pro. haha wishful thinking i tell you. sigh.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

i am in a lot of pain. something or the other happened to my hamstring and it hurts like crap. i dunno whether to ice it or to use a heatpack. bahhhh. had training again today. am less tired compared to the other one, does this mean i'm getting fitter? hopefully so. don't think i can go for friday's training though. day after prom, will likely be completely stoned out. watching harry potter on friday night hohum. feel like going out tmr morning, anyone wants to go with me? haha.oh crapzoids i just remembered i have not finished theory homework. sucks.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

yay finally french is over. now i can really really say i have no more work and studying ahha. i must be mad. yesterday i allowed myself to be dragged to the gym by my dad aching muscles and all. as a result i am still aching today. i feel super bad because yesterday i told my little brother maybe we should watch a movie today after french. but something croppped up so i couldn't but he actually came in the car to meet me. oops. i will make it up to him somehow. i feel horrid.
just came home from softball farewell. got lotsa stuff the juniors are really nice. and the restaurant was so annoying. some guy came up from downstairs and told us off for making noise when it was the other table full of guys that was makinga ll the noise. they were shouting their heads off. like do we look like our voices would sound so like deep and hoarse. just because we were younger and girls at that, they choose to tell us off. horrible twits.

Monday, November 14, 2005

i am SO tired. cannot move. my body feels punished. this is what happens after not training for months. and plus you do physical. haha i am terribly unfit. oh well at least i am burning fats finally. feels quite good actually. haha but the warmup run is crazy, 2 rounds round the school. only ran one though, knee giving problems. need to study, french tomorrow, groans, i just wanna sleep.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

i feel like playing bridge man. haha i miss our bridge sessions and our "1-2-3-4 HI FIVE"s. it's a highly intellectual, fun and addictive game ok. that's all i wanted to say haha.

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

my room resembles a warzone. no seriously. i tried cleaning it up today but i am only half done. maybe one quarter done. and my theory is that it has to get messier before it gets neater. my sleeping abilities amaze me. i slept 2 hours this morning throughout the construction going on in my house. we're doing strange things to the lights. hoho the sims is pleasing me, it is highly entertaining. except for some reason it didn't save my game which annoyed me to no end. feeling zonked and stoned. clearing out my room is very tiring apparently. maybe i will sleep early tonight

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

finished polishing my guitar. it is nice and shiny which makes me happy. anyway is anyone interested in buying my guitar? it's less than 3 months old, in very good condition and will cost about 100 bucks. tell me if you are. hmm first day of the hols tomorrow.i need something to occupy me. ahhhh wellus. i have nothing to say anymore. i hate "nothing", like weird feelings of nothingness. if that made sense at all which it probably didn't.

Monday, November 7, 2005

YAY it is over! it was over yesterday. it was quite ok i guess hopefully i do well. haha it felt so good to go out and slack. and finally now i get to play guitar. ahha i have just played until my fingers are super sore. went out yesterday and had like a super lot for lunch. bel has a bottomless pit of a stomach. then watched zorro at night which was utterly senseless but made for good entertainment i guess.

then today class people crashed my house to make the teachers' presents. lol it was stupid writing the poems for them and like sewing/cutting the sashes. now there are felt bits all over my bed ew. hehehe it feels good to be free and to slack.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

i am going nuts. chinese sucks majorly. the more i do papers and study the more depressed i get. the obvious connection would be there always seems to be stuff i do not know. and knowing my luck, what will come out tomorrow will be stuff i don't know. the only thing sustaining me is the thought that in less than 24 hours i will never ever have to study chinese ever again. assuming of course i get a D7. so off i go to mug evil chinese.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

i need someone to talk to without having to watch what i say, without having to get worried if i just said something wrong, without having to hold back. i need someone to pour out my heart and soul to and never have to worry that someone else is gonig to hear of it. i need someone who has to time to listen, who wants to listen, who is not too busy all the time. i need to be able to say everything i need to say.

and i realise that there is someone who has been there always waiting patiently. except i'm too stubborn, too caught up with pointless things. too busy for God...when in the midst of all the business He is who i need the most. We struggle and struggle and find that there is no solution, there is no end until we stop struggling and leave it in His hands. Let not my will but yours' be done

and then I see
the glory of my king
I stand amazed, I begin to praise
such lovely wonder, such majesty
and awesome power is in this place

Friday, October 28, 2005

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. -William Arthur Ward

i came across this quote and figured i should put it down somewhere cos it's a pretty quote and the most convenient would be my blog. heh.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

ok so i blog rather belatedly about netball carn. i was unbelievably happy and proud of us. as in seriously. it kind of took on a certain dreamlike quality when we kept scoring and winning. considering how it was last year yeah it was definitely like being in a dream. you should have just seen the look of jubilance on all our faces everytime we shot something in or scored a goal. and we worked so hard i was so glad that our efforts paid off. bel and i knew what our class was capable of and it was just great seeing us realise that as the games went on. i mean yeah we didn't come in like top 3 or anything but it was still spectacular, beating classes we weren't expected to beat. so well done you guys, thanks for working so hard and for a fantastic experience. one couldn't ask for a last netball carn that was any better that this.

on another note i have been horridly sick. i have spent the past couple of days coughing up globs of pleghm and having a never ending migraine. plus it did not help that after netball carn i felt like a truck had rammed into me or something. every possible muscle in my body was aching. but yes i am much better today hurrah. my chinese however is in the dumps, i need to rescue it. and all my options homework has been cleared except for ss which will be done tonight. come on man less than a week till i am completely liberated. hopefully the last few days i ever have to study chinese.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

i'm back from aussieland. and have promptly fallen sick. aussieland was good. i am withdrawal symptoming because i cannot focus on my work. fps was good, we get to go to colorado next june! yippee! it was a fun trip, saw fiddler on the roof, went to blue mountains, went shopping, met mstan's husband, had long long talking and bridge sessions. very fun indeed. will have to wait for the photos seeing as how i am being a lazy bum

had french o level paper today. was pretty ok except i didn't know how to say grabbed onto a tree branch so i wrote caught the tree. haha. i really should be studying or doing work. i have tons of options homework to do and my chinese studying is progressing very slowly.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

will be flying off to australia tomorrow for a week! what fun. haha am slightly apprehensive but pretty certain it's gonna be a fun trip. packing is almost done. haha trust me i am seriously a procrastinator, didn't start packing until today. yay hurray. now if only i could find the scissors which i am supposed to bring. tomorrow is gonna be crazy, i finish school at 3, shower change etc, finish packing remaining stuff, print fps notes and then leave for airport at 5. oh yeah and stop at the supermarket to buy food. haha we're such greedy pigs we're already thinking of the sweet and chocolate shops there. oh well don't miss me too much hahaha.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

hoho this week has been get back results week. the worst is yet to come cos tomorrow is bio. but so far it's been pretty ok, satisfactory enough i guess. not ideal but will do. still wish i did better for lit, marking was kinda dubious considering the teachers were still marking...the night before or even the morning before. also got back piano exam results which i passed hurray.

had french o level orals today...am inclined to think it was bad but that's what i said the last time around and it turned out to be not that bad so hopefully that's the case this time round.

leaving for australia next week for fps! ahah what fun. get to miss school for a whole week. crap i really shouldn't be slacking so much cos i have lots of stuff to do. and i should actually start packing. i need to list down the stuff i need to do. bah. must finish math assignment by tonight. all i want to do is play guitar. sigh.

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

the ache in my teeth is like steadily growing. put on my braces this morning. will later attempt to brush my teeth. it hasn't really hurt much until the past hour or so. was reduced to eating porridge for dinner. it doesn't matter that much if you like porridge but i dislike it a lot. it is like mushy. yup so now i have a mouth full of metal. whee. -.- have i already mentioned that the last week was one long rollercoaster ride. very eventful. maybe this week will be quieter.

the past few days i've been forced to think about something i don't really want to think about. and you know life is just way too short to get embroiled in silly little disputes, to be upset over petty things because you never know when one day the person next to you won't be there anymore. doesn't it make more sense to treasure the time you have together instead of letting stupid insignificant things disrupt? i think this line says it best:

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her

Monday, September 26, 2005

have not blogged in a while. haha mostly cos i've been pretty busy and also because i have not felt like it. good thing is its a good busy. not schoolwork busy. i'm actually quite happy with my new options compared to the old ones. so it's quite good that i changed them. even though it took what...2 1/2 hours. and i guess even though the spare time is a waste of time it's quite good as well, you get to spend time with people. so all in all this will probably turn out to a very enjoyabale term.

my parents are not home but it is surprisingly peaceful. usually there's like world war III being waged. i've been thinking and you know on hindsight i'm quite glad ok glad is not the word. more like i'm quite ok and thankful for the myriad of things that have happened over the past 2 years because haha somehow today i can feel myself using the stuff i learnt from them. and actually i would think it was for the better because otherwise i would today probably be in the same situation as someone else, hating myself. very interesting.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

ehhh i want to go cd shopping. there are only a couple of things i am obsessive compulsive over:
1. CD buying
2. Making perfect notes
3. Baseball, scott rolen and the cardinals

yes that's about it. haha can live with it lah. if you couldn't tell i am avoiding chinese which is boring me out of my wits. it really is the most pointless thing on earth. i am never going to use any of these words or phrases in any conversation ever. even if i were talking to someone from china.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

I am going to die if I play those three pieces again. which I obviously have to. come on ellen less than 24 hours left till you never ever have to see them again. they are quite nice but well yes I am getting sick of them. I am going to die for diabetes soon. the amount of sugar that I am ingesting is highly shocking.

sometimes I think I am too stubborn for my own good.

Thursday, September 8, 2005

haha yes very lag but it's the holidays. had my party on sunday night which was fun. haha we spent the night playing pool, guitar and bridge. i have learnt how to play bridge what a major accomplishment. yes and we slept at 5.30 in the morning which is like...half an hour before i usually wake up. haha that was hilarious. but yeah it was loads of fun, thanks to everyone who came. yesterday afternoon and today was spent in a post high stone mood. but we had to drag ourselves out of bed to go and watch penguins marching which was really cute but i thought the narration was a bit icky as was the soundtrack. then i came home and was comatose for like 4 hours.

next few days will be like furtively practice piano and study chinese. but i am so lazy i really do not feel like studying chinese at all. therefore it will be more like pretend to study chinese. give up pretending and continue slacking. haha the story of my life. oh well i have nothing to blog about anymore. do not feel like blogging in detail about party. think mie's blog is more detailled than mine. yuppers.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

ok the dentist shoved random things into my teeth which are pissing me off supremely. i feel like yanking them out. grarghhh.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

today i get to blog about liberation! and freedom! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA. i'm sorry but i am really really really happy because it is all over! no more! finished! nyahahahha. the moment i have been waiting for. today at 5.00 it was all over and done with! and then who cares how it went, all that matters is that its OVER. and we never have to think about it ever again (ok maybe we do but still let me delude myself). haha boy i feel like dancing and screaming madly in pure joy.

plus i have got my guitar. it is very pretty and makes me very happy because i finally have my guitar and can spend eons and eons strumming. AND the pool table has arrived. today is a happy happy day indeed. AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. <- very happy and relieved ellen, ignore the psychoness

Saturday, September 3, 2005

so i turned 16 yesterday. pretty uneventful birthday other than the numerous smses. it quite sucks having it right smack in the middle of the exams. which incidentally end in 2 days. man i totally cannot wait. just one more day of studying. unlike lucky pigs who were finished yesterday. bah i should have just taken the physics paper in place of bio, probably wouldn't have made any difference even though i have been taking bio for 2 years.

i guai-ly went for teacher's day celebrations which were quite sucky this year except the class was so enthu. so when miss tan was doing her whole rock star thing we rushed up to the front and pretended to mosh and be her undying fans. then couple of us went down to crescent to see miss ting which i am very glad i did. i was almost not going to what with studying at all but yeah i'm glad i did. i really really don't feel like mugging anymore. like just flinging everything and hecking friday's papers but i know i just can't or won't. sigh. sometimes i care too much for my own good i swear.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

the exam blogger strikes again. haha. french tomorrow otherwise i would be completely free. haven't mugged much. but i think i've covered most things. hopefully lah. today's chem paper left me feeling highly cheated because there really was no need to study so much nonsense. proteins and fats things didn't even come out. but it was quite a tricky paper. haha lit was just amusing cos i got the paper looked at the question and laughed because right before the paper i was telling jenny how i hoped that would come out. didn't have enough time though, only half an hour left for essay.

friday seems like such an awfully long time away. sighs. and even then i'm not done till like...5.10. hmm i can feel whatever muscles i had left turning into fat. i have been pigging out and not exercising. both of which are thanks to exams. i swear they are unhealthy things. i need to like go to the gym don't think i should try running though, will probably kill knee guess i am reduced to swimming like you know old people with arthritis. i find swimming not as useful as jogging, for one no endorphins, no sweat and it makes me tireder even though i've done less.

there is an annoying bug flying around the room. i have not been able to catch it. my sleep has been uberly disturbed the past few nights. first it was the howling stray cats. three nights in a row i had to get up like 4 am-ish and chase them away. i swear i was this close to like killing them so much for animal abuse. then its the stupid water pipes. you know that thing in the newspapers where people thought it was like ghosts rolling marbles, haha yeah my waterpipes are giving problems too but somehow i think its only my room. i wonder what it'll be tonight.

Monday, August 29, 2005

i seem to have reached new, unprecedented levels of frustration and boredom with my studying. of course studying has always been boring but even more so this time. so you see i was just thinking and pondering the great mystery of why i was finding it so hard to study. its like impossible to study without stopping every half an hour or something to that extent. somehow it feels like i have studied a lot but i know for sure that i haven't been spending that much time on it i think. so there i sit on my beanbag staring at those notes with those facts that are oh-so-familiar because i've done a gazillion questions on them but yet so unfamiliar because i don't really know them per se. and i get distracted and sleepy and bored. it isn't so much that what i am studying is boring it's just that the whole process is boring. there are so many things i'd rather be doing than being cooped up in a room with my notes for company.

that's when i come to the conclusion that for reason at this current point in my life there are so many things i want to do with my life. ok actually this is probably a phenomenon that has been going on for a long time just that it's made more obvious in these times. but yes there are many things i want to do and accomplish, most of which have nothing to do with academics or even that vague thing called my future. it's a beautiful, bright sunny day and what am i doing? reading stuff on alkanes and alkenes and the devaluation of women in the handmaid's tale. it just feels to me that this is not what one would call living life to the fullest when there are so many meaningful things to do and yes cliched as it is a world to see.

you know i think i need to stop all this wanting something else because evidently i will never get anything i need to do done. even after these exams because there's still like 6 more years of school and after that there's work. somehow you can't escape from the mundaneness and futility of it all. not saying that everything is mundane or futile but yeah you get the point. haha it's strange don't you think what funny insights you get in the midst of studying about macromolecules or social role and identity. oh well keep going ellen kan it's less than a week left to this studying, only say 5 days more? sounds like an awful long time.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

studying chem is making me very cross. evidently i have been distracted haha. i just remembered we have to learn the stupid natural macromolecules like carbohdydrates and proteins and whatnots. arghhhhh.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

my brain has been completely fried by math. i have spent the last three and a half hours doing math and will have to spend one more hour at least. doing the 10-year series has been semi-demoralising. ahhh well. french orals...well i don't really know how i did but i get this feeling it was hilariously bad. for one she kept correcting my grammar and then asked who my teacher was and then laughed at me cos i contradicted myself. i swear its impossible to conjugate the words while coming out with things to say, my brain so cannot process so many things at one go.

today's english paper was rather stupid. some questions were vague and otheers were just plain silly. like...define stuff. gah my room is annoying me. it is in a humongous mess (it always is during exams. make that all the time). and my table has been buried. you know they say a cluttered table is indication of a cluttered mind. well then what does an empty table mean? its quite strange i blog more during the exams. ok never mind i will go for dinner and finish math.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

i proceed to take a short break from studying. i am ahead of schedule for today and that pleases me muchly. i really do not like wednesdays they are disgustingly long. i have french and then piano. ok why do i digress? point is, exams start tomorrow. hoho. think about it this way today was the last day of school and in slightly more than a week i will have the license to partay. plus next week i will get my guitar. ok that isn't confirmed but it should be lah what with birthday money and all.

i hope i do not screw up this round of exams. what would make me really happy is if i do well for lit and salvage my first semester marks. but then i shouldn't aim too high cos i will need something like a 93 for the upcoming test to hit a 4.0 which is highly unlikely. sigh i will have to skip oc tomorrow. and next week. suxorz.

its ok. haha i have my eyes fixed on like the end. just think, the end of all exams except for french, math and chinese. hehehe i totally cannot wait. and if you think about it i am taking the very last chem, bio, geog, ss exams of my life. hahahaha that thought cheers me up immensely.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

have not blogged in a while. the last week has been a mad rush of studying and doing homework. its quite unreal to think that term 3 is almost ending and exams start next week. i don't know if i'm prepared actually. schedule is quite daunting cos there's i have french as well as my piano exam to cope with. but oh well somehow or the other you make it through. whether you make it through well or not is a different story altogether. i am quite unhappy with my horridly erratic lit and english marks that veer from extreme to extreme.

also it makes me very cross that the school has currently banned cookies from the canteen. i swear it was the only edible thing left other than the rest of the junk food (which is not much). like hello its not like the rest of the food is any healthier. it is dirty and oily and basically inedible cos it tastes gross and has never changed in the four years i have been in this school. if the food were edible then yeah you can go and ban whatever you want.

somehow it feels like i have tons to say but i can't really place what it is i want to say. haha its very strange.

Friday, August 19, 2005

school starts again tomorrow. cue for ellen to whine and complain. have i mentioned school is such a drag? yes about a gazillion times before maybe. yesterday we were highly unpatriotic. we did not watch the parade. but then a gain its the same thing every year so i suppose there's no need to watch it yet again. only thing i like is the fireworks which you cannot see much from my house but you can hear. i remember the primary 5 ndp preview thing where i felt so cheated when i realised the president was a fake president and the VIPs were all people posing as them. haha. and then the school was stingy and gave us disgusting food when the others had like macdonalds.

ok what's with the reminiscing? haha the innocence of youth i tell you. i want to stay at home and do rubbishy things like play dumb games for example delivering pizzas. hahaha trust me i do silly things which is not always bad. i think once in a while its good to do silly things and for once not have to exert your brain. haha it's called indulging in mindlessness. which i would do a lot more if not for something called the guilt trip and stacks of things to do.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

i'm in a good mood. feeling very happy and contented and pleased. but tired. will go and sleep after blogging. so today was national day celebrations. it rained! HAH! haha the one year they try to make us do some weirdo flag star formation it rains. its a sign i tell you. it was quite entertaining. rachael made a good model. heh we were superly late in the morning actually cos we were sorting out rachael's outfit. had to spray paint her bracelet stuff for her which means now on one hand my nails are white on the other side red. how patriotic. it won't come out i think i need thinner. concert was ok i guess, got a bit of a scare when i couldn't find my handphone/wallet/ipod. but i did in the end

yup then went to chs to hear some of the bands play which was not bad at all. ahha there was some legendary guy who i swear seriously sings like a girl except probably even higher than most. its seriously scary/freaky, gave me goosebumps. then we went to the club to play pool and bowl. at first they were being niao and giving us problems but then after speaking to my dad the guy let them in. haha twas fun. i tell you i am getting better at playing pool. haha at first i was maluing myself at bowling but started getting the hang of it after not playing in ages. haha in the end i pwned mie who was pwning at first.

after that i didn't feel like going home so nice carol accompanied me to get a drink at coffee bean where we managed to catch up some more. i love catching up. it's cool that we're talking more to each other now after such a long long time. haha must life conspires to make such things happen. so its been a pretty good day. and i am going to sleep now. yawwwwn.

Monday, August 8, 2005

i decide to blog. where to begin? hm ok friday. friday i was still frantically trying to finish studying for mocks. but it got really really boring after a while. night time was choir concert which was really good. the whole world has said it already but yeah soomeh, tanneh and sooneh you guys were great, well done. fitting ending to your 4 years in choir. note that at this point i have not finished studying chinese, didn't even touch zuo wen i read the zuo wen notes the next day on the way to school in the car. so i go home and force myself to finish studying.

chinese mocks...i feel so freaking cheated. so much studying just to answer those few questions some of which i would have been able to answer anyway and some of which i couldn't answer anyway. but once i reached the compre it started getting very very boring. and i started getting really really sleepy. was tempted to just shove everything aside and go to sleep which i obviously didn't do but was highly tempted to. yep so i started yawning a lot and after i was done slept for the last 20 minutes.

was supposed to go for the rj scholarship thing after that but i had tuition and i didn't particularly feel like going anyway for various reasons.

i wish i could have what you have. but there's no point in all this wishing anymore is there? because its all over and there's no going back

Sunday, August 7, 2005

all the SPAS are over. rejoice. then again i did screw up quite badly. not so much bio (even though i might have you never know) but chem was really really bad. i screwed both the planning and the actual prac. as in reallly screwed. confirmed. but i am quite calm about it actually. it is over after all which is a very very good thing. this just means i have to ace the exam

man there are so many good books lying around that i want to read. and so many that i want to buy so i can read. arghhhh why is school so consuming? i swear i'd learn much more just reading all the lovely books than from school lah.

have i mentioned i cannot wait for saturday to be over? mugging for chinese is killing me. not like i have mugged much today, i was so tired i fell asleep while studying. i think the class has been pretty high-strung and crazy. must be the stress getting to us or something. especially my column, we have been cracking up in laughter, doing weird things and in general behaving like a bunch of primary school kids. cough..playing with date/name stamps cough.

oh well i should study before oc starts. technically i should skip oc and study for that one hour but its once a week, i will not deprieve myself of this indulgence.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

i do not feel like studying for chem prac. bio prac was ok, questions were nonsense though. i want this week to be over like right now. actually i want the month to be over. sigh. its only 4 more weeks that's not impossible. hahaha don't kid yourself. i want to roll around and leap around screaming my lungs out and laughing maniacally. and then jump into like a pond (a pool is more likely since it is cleaner), splash around and then plonk myself down and commence stoning, sleeping and dreaming. this cannot be a good sign, something tells me i'm going a little insane.

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

just got back from sonicfest about an hour ago or so. walking into my house from the main road at 12 at night is not fun at all but it was just stupid to take a cab in. sonicfest was good ahha and i actually managed to exercise some restraint and not indulge in my compulsive cd buying habits. mostly because i need to pay for a lot of things. was supposed to go for raffles asia talk but couldn't make it there on time cos i was at the doctor. knee has been acting up.

i can play the guitar! ok no i can't but i can play like...4 chords and i can play 1 song. yay. haha. i want to take guitar lessons. maybe next term or in the holidays. hoho i am learning many new things. like playing pool and now playing the guitar. at least there are now more things that interest me. because school is feeling more and more boring by the day. really tempted to skip school today and i should have. the only reason why i didn't is cos i thought we would have to present for english but in the end there was no time. sigh. i will go to sleep now, its been a long week.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

i am feeling cross. because i slept for 3 hours in the afternoon. i slammed the alarm off and then continued sleeping. which only makes me feel like hecking everything now and just going back to sleep again. but mich made my day by reminding me that the oc is showing tonight. hahah that totally makes me feel less cross.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

i am sick of doing chinese. i feel like i've been doing chinese non-stop. catching up with all the spastic overdue ying yong wens. i'm doing the last one now. but after this there's still 2 zuo wens to write, stupid test next week and mocks next saturday. take comfort in the fact that after this year there is no more chinese. whoohoo.

i think what someone said is very true. we always think the hardest thing to do is to forgive well it isn't. its easy to forgive its not easy to forget. maybe impossible. and then again you'd be stupid to forget because you'd just let it happen all over again. haha this is so philosophical. oh well its back to stinking chinese.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

i am very tired. today has been a long long day. after racial harmony day i went out with bel, mie and mich and we played pool. haha i can now play pool. not very well but at least i know how to play already. yay. got home at 6.30 and promptly went out again after changing for dinner with shuxian. was good to catch up we haven't talked properly in a long long time. yup so i just got back at about 10 i think. sitting here stoning and my eyelids are slamming shut. but i need to read fps notes/research before sleeping cos the competition is tomorrow. man we HAVE to qualify. i want to go to australia!!!

Friday, July 22, 2005

i have nothing to blog about. so what am i doing here? ok i did have something to blog about but i cannot remember what it was. which means now i just talk crap. they bombed london again. i am very disgusted. the other thing that has disgusted me is the nkf thing which was quite some time ago. the oc is so quoteworthy i say randomly.

last night i decided to be the pai kia, bo chap sec 4 i was meant to be and not study for the ss test. which ultimately did not work because at around 11 i was guilt tripping myself and proceeded to study albeit not very much. i hate watching tv with my brother. annoys me to no end. will go chase him out now.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

haha this is old news by now but i have finished reading the half blood prince. lucky me didn't stay very long at open house and therefore did not receive any spoilers. or not any really big ones at any rate. very very unexpected the way things turned out.

tonight feels strangely free. this is not good because i know that stuff is gonna get very very busy soon. oh i am going to have the time of my life in week 10. monday i have 2 papers, tuesday i have french essay prelims then friday i have 2 papers plus the remaining papers of the french prelims. whoopie. stupid physics history people don't have anymore papers from tuesday onwards. woe is me. i am rather prepared to flunk or do badly for bio. my marks are kind of beyond salvaging and i currently do not understand genomic biology (never could). oh weeeeell. i need to limit my spending. i have been spending too much money. that could possibly be due to my obsessive cd buying habits.

school has been insanely draggy. bordering on unbearable. the thought that after this term i do not have to take anymore exams/tests for the rest of the year. ok fine i do for chinese, french and math. yuck. i talk too much i need study chinese bah.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

i think people who use the f-word like in every other sentence or think its so freaking cool to point the third finger are seriously deluded. the only thing it is is just absolutely vulgar and reflects so badly on you. it is so not cool. just a random thought.

anyway i am feeling relatively pleased tonight because there's no work to do. ok there is but nothing very urgent. feels good to unwind and relax. today we had to take the NE quiz which is the same one we take every year which is quite lame really. i wonder if they do take the survey results into consideration.

something very important happened this week the threatened to derail my plans but i'm still very glad it happened because it meant so much to me. so so so much. oh well the week has been pretty educational, the human mind works in strange ways

Friday, July 15, 2005

i am sooooo sleepy. i don't even know why i am so sleepy but i am so so so tempted to just plonk myself down on the bed this being 8 at night and sleep till morning which obviously is not possible because there is geog pt to do. if there wasn't i would seriously do that. it is taking every shred of my willpower not to sleep. arghhh this is pure torture i tell you.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

really do not have anything to blog about since nothing significant has happened. oh yes our class video totally rocks. and my cousin is back from melbourne with her two kids! yay. haha yesterday my house was filled with kids cos it was my niece's birthday party. i swear you couldn't walk five steps without bumping into some little tot. feel like i should be studying more for math the problem being i have no more questions to do anymore. not good. argh i really do not want to screw up math now.

guess i should make it official although quite a few people know already. next year i am going to HC and not RJ. most important reason being the humanities program. not an easy decision to make but its been made so that's it then. yup. is not really hitting me yet but i guess we can save the farewells and reminiscing for another day.

Monday, July 11, 2005

heyyy all the sec 4 softballers can you go read THE blog now? yeah that one that hasn't been used for a long long time.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

the week is over. cheers madly. was an ok week, could have been worse. compared with other people i think go a pretty decent amount of sleep...which is about 4-5 hours every night. haha this afternoon i came home and slept and slept and slept. so glad that bio pt is over which just leaves me with chinese pt, geog pt and math test for the time being. oh there's also the lovely fact that chinese mocks are in less than a months time. oh and french prelims are on my birthday. hurrahhh let us all cheer. going to be the best birthday of my life ever.

anyway today we changed our seating positions which doesn't really figure very big on my important things list. was fine changing or not changing at any rate. i think i shall reward myself with not doing any work tonight. today i received a piece of good news that has brought immense relief to me. but am now agonizing over how to do something. i do not want to do it. ellen you have to before someone else does it for you which would make it a gazillion times worse.

Friday, July 8, 2005

we try our best to save the world but we can't. only God can. He already has, all we have to do is reach out to accept His gift of grace.

Friday, July 1, 2005

ellen is a bored kid. ellen does not like the night. that is why ellen wants to be back in russia right now where it never gets dark so it doesn't feel night-ish. ellen doesn't like feeling night-ish. ellen is being weird. ellen will go sleep even though it is only 10.15

Friday, July 1, 2005

Majesty (Here I Am) by Delirious

Here I am humbled by your majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life, The greatest sacrifice.

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands,
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you liad down your life the greatest sacrifice

I like this song a lot. It's really touched me.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

i feel bloated. feel like exploding. fighting a very long battle with myself. must study french. want to take a nap. hoho. who will win?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

just came back from watching batman begins. was okay i guess, will do for entertainment. spent today getting glue all over my hands assembling the stupid bio model. so totally my idea of fun you know. more of that tomorrow. still have no idea how i'm gonna make the solenoid loops. haha yan min i ditched the idea of using 24 foam balls. tons of fun i'm sure. wake up at 7 tomorrow yuck yuck yuck. that's probably a sign that i should go and sleep now. half of yesterday was spent with paint all over my hands. half of today was spent with glue all over my hands. i'm having the time of my life -.-

Thursday, June 23, 2005

brother is back from china. so the house is full again. today was spent preparing for bio perf task. finally figured out how to make the model so i bought the materials today. apparently you don't need to show the histones just the nucleosome and i didn't know that. haha so i bought 30 foam balls. smart me.haha painting the balls was fun. dumped all the paint in the bucket and dumped the balls in and got blue hands. i foresee a very disastrous tomorrow when i attempt to build the model. haha. good luck to me i was never very good at art and craft.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

i blogged a couple of nights ago but me being the brilliant genius that i am accidentally closed the window. following which i was too annoyed and lazy to blog anymore. but yes i have been holed up in my room emerging for perhaps meals and piano lesson. haha i could just be a hermit and live in some cave on bukit timah hill or something. my brain is pretty much degenerating into a pool of mush. its been just my parents and me cos the little monsters were in china. but one came back last night and the other one tomorrow night. basically i have pretty much been left to my own devices.

have been semi-productive on homework, slowly chipping at it in between playing. haha i have a feeling its supposed to be the other way, you know playing in between doing work. but bio is beyond screwed cos i have no idea how to do it. but i refuse to worry about it.

i love holidays. that's cos i'm a bum who loves waking up at 11.30 everyday. actually i would sleep longer but i force myself to get up.

oh i have got round to uploading photos. they are here

Monday, June 20, 2005

i'm back! haha tis good to be back. russia was fun. will upload pictures soon. had a really good time except for this dream i kept having. they weren't the same but they were all concerning the same thing. was rather annoying. but otherwise was really really great. haha i haven't done any work at all i'm going to spend the last 2 weeks of my holidays rushing everything out. bleh so much for no holiday homework. heh i'm in quite serious trouble but who cares. we'll worry about that another day. oh and i've put on a ton of weight just eating and eating and stuffing my face with food. gah must start exercising. home sweet home :)

Sunday, June 12, 2005

off to russia i go. see you everybody in about 10 days or so.

Thursday, June 2, 2005

time to show some love to my blog. haha. one hour ago i felt like banging my head into the wall or something to that extent but not anymore. i am feeling quite happy and calm actually. do not get me s tarted on my english and lit marks. it was highly disappointing because i usually do well but this time just really absolutely sucked. the irony isn't it? the subjects i'm not supposed to be good at i do well in. haha which doesn't really give you much of a sense of satisfaction but oh well you gain some you lose some. i've kinda come to terms with it.

greatly looking forward to the holidays. slack slack playyyy

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

its been a tough week but its almost over thank goodness. somehow next week will be better. just one more day left. got our some marks back today. bio was totally crappified. i passed but barely. chem was okay i guess. you know what? i have nothing to blog about. i guess this means that's it then.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

slacking around and doing nothing has been fun today. only thing is there's school on monday. but we must be content with what we have. after all in 3 weeks its a whole month of bliss and boredom. anyway today i watched movie trailers and read quotes. yes that is how aimless i have been. come let me leave you with a quote:

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. -William Dement

Saturday, May 7, 2005

WOOOHOOOO the exams are over. happiness. i can spend the rest of the weekend feeling liberated and slacking guiltlessly. albeit for a short while cos from what i heard we're gonna get the performance tasks to do again but right now i don't care.

math paper was okay. i could actually do it so definitely better than expected. chem was quite bad. and i'm serious stress makes you like ten times smarter. it like triggers off this button in your brain. i had lotsa blanks or rubbish answers including the 6 mark and the drawing question. she said last 5 minutes. i flipped through and figured i'd lose 20 marks at least. haha so i totally freaked out. stared at the 6 mark question and all the while thinking "ELLEN YOU BETTER ANSWER THIS QUESTION. IF YOU DON'T YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL YOU HEAR ME". yes so i got sudden bursts of inspiration. unfortunately, 5 minutes is not enough time to write down bursts of inspiration for the 6 mark question, the drawing question and the last question. gah. so its not like i don't know how to do it. it was quite amusing cos i think most people couldn't do it. people were like grimacing or giving like strange i am doomed grins to each other within the first couple of minutes. then i happened to make eye contact with char at which we gave each other the LOOK and almost burst out laughing. miss goh came in to write something on the board and we started giggling. she shook her head resignedly lol.

went out after that to watch the interpreter which was quite a good movie i must say. if there's anything i learnt this week its that God's grace is sufficient. in everything and anything.

Saturday, May 7, 2005

everything has conspired to create this sense of impending doom. stormy and thundery weather and all. math and chem tomorrow. all i can say is all the best to me. especially for math. hoho. good luck ellen you'll really really need it. i can just feel the chem stuff i memorised leaking out of my brain slowly but surely. as soon as the maths paper begins poof the chem will be all gone. not like the maths will be any better because i will not forget the formulas but i will not be able to do the questions anyway. rocking. i have been dreading tomorrow like crazy. i should get used to it. its the same thing over and over again. math + chem together on the last day = doom.

Thursday, May 5, 2005

snort. the only thing i can say for myself is if i fail i probably deserved it. in the middle of my exam week i start rearranging and playing with my playlist. congrats. haha. that's after sleeping for like nearly 3 hours. thank goodness no paper tomorrow. anyway there is no way i'm going to remember all the stupid things that happen when you heat each solid lahhh. that's along with all the other rubbish stuff i have to remember for chem. and the math formulas.

bio today was quite amusing. i had a strange urge to laugh halfway through when i was like making up rubbish answers. like: using diaphragms as contraceptives can cause cervical cancer and irregular menstrual bleeding...okay. but whatever its over. chinese was okay i guess. i can never tell how i'm going to do for chinese. considering i will get 50/70 and minus the maximum SEVEN MARKS for the wrong words. 2 days more to friday...wheeeee

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

bio is seriously frying my brain. i cannot remember a thing. arghhh. never mind breathe. today's papers were quite okay. better than expected i think. hopefully i am not like deluding myself or something. 1 down 3 more days to go. i get this inkling my last day will just be beyond screwed. i will probably bomb chem and math. its like i think i know my math but probably seeing how its me. me and math don't go together. oh well back to bio.

things are just plain weird.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

why am i blogging? someone tell me why i am blogging? because i have no selfcontrol as in zilch. i spent 2 hours last night checking out song samples and viewing shopping catalogs that arrived in the email. that's just last night. and guess what my exams start on TUESDAY. arghhh ellen what is wrong with you? i am very behind time. obviously i hardly did any studying last week, what with softball and all. it rendered me incapable of substantial studying. i am facing impending doom. in fact i'm not even stress, i have come to this acceptance that i could very possibly be totally completely doomed if i cannot save myself in these few last days.

but that's okay. of course that's okay because i am still slacking. every other question i do for maths i go and blogsurf for 10 minutes. harhar. what's sustaining me is the thought that on friday afternoon i will be liberated. albeit for a short while considering the performance tasks start coming but still its liberating. and there's no softball. i will be relatively free to finally do everything i want to do. come i'm sure i will survive till then. ONWARDS!!!!!

Sunday, May 1, 2005

was going to blog this last night but msn got infected with some virus which is really annoying. so i spent the whole night getting annoyed with the stupid virus and getting rid of it. only succeeded this afternoon. didn't go to school today, was ruddy tired.

anyway so its all over. we played our last match of 2005, our last match as rgs b div our last match as rgs girls. its one of the best games we played this year. and i was so proud of us, of the way we played our hearts out even though it wasn't the finals. the way we didn't give up even though it seemed kind of meaningless. and i guess it showed in the score...13-4. and at the end of it all i reached this peace. i realized that it didn't matter that we didn't reach the finals, and it didn't matter that we weren't the champions. it didn't matter at all. i don't even know why it didn't matter but it just didn't. and after all it really doesn't matter what everyone else sees us as, but to us in our hearts we'll always be a champion team. at the end of four years, four years of laughter and tears, blood, sweat and many happy memories in the sun, rain, many days spent out on the field, taking refuge under the tree, talking nonstop, dreaming like maniacs about what we were destined to do i can say that i truly thank God for giving me these years in softball. they weren't perfect, there were times when there were impulses to give it up, when i burned out and didn't feel like playing anymore but i wouldn't give those four years up and i don't regret them one bit. we weren't the best skills-wise but we definitely played with heart and with spirit. we didn't always get along, there were differences, quarrels but ultlimately when it mattered we put them aside and played as one. i've learnt a lot from these 4 years, grown a lot as well, its made me a stronger person. one day we'll forget whether we got second or third or whatever, but we'll never forget the times we spent training, we'll never forget fighting and playing as one, totally fixed on our goal. its been special. and i thank you all, every single one of you on my team for making it so special. words can never do this experience justice.

got my first hit in four games. didn't end the season without a homerun after all. its the best game i played the whole season. and i think i really needed it. the amount of relief this game brought me is undescribable. its good to know that i haven't lost it.

thank you God, so much. for all that you've used this struggle to teach me and for being so faithful.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

feel like locking myself up in my room. don't want to talk/meet anyone. which explains why i am appearing offline on msn. all i feel like doing is sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. but evidently not, back to drowing myself in work. which i don't really mind right now, takes the mind off stuff. talk about therapy.

what is there to say? deja vu anyone? that's it 4 years all gone. and all i can say is i suck. and i'm sorry.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

sitting here trying to write my french essay. why do i subject myself to this? oh yes because i've lasted three years and 4 months. 6 more months is not going to hurt. I'M SURE. okay think about it this way there's nothing in june...presumably that is. not going to new york anymore. maybe russia or turkey. haha we are going to such strange weird places that no one goes to normally. i wonder why.

bio is killing me. i know anything at all. hurrah. watch me die. and there's no time to practise maths sufficiently. this week is going to be pure total hell. on top of playing the semifinals and finals i have to study for next week's exams and do my homework and goodness knows what else. why oh why does softball end the season so late? stop complaining ellen. at least you are not sick anymore.

my room is in a mess. my table is in a mess guess what? my mind is in a mess. haha. the answers to my math assignment are all wrong. shucks. should i bother starting on bio tonight? i dahno. school again. how sucky. its such a drag. okay ellen enough. absolutely enough. go do your work. shoo.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

its been strange. that's really all there is to say. haha.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

i am blogging again. whee. haha. haven't been myself lately. which annoys me cos i don't like the way i'm behaving mostly. a whole combination of things has contributed to making me extremely stoned out and unresponsive and slightly grumpy. the grumpy part is according to mich. well that's just today. mostly cos the medicine just like saturates my brain and induces bouts of drowsiness.

anyways been dutifully dragging myself to school. came late today though cos first block was pe which i wouldn't have done and i was feeling disgusting in the morning. then again school was quite pointless today. as always.

haha you know those cows? mich and i decided we want one of them. we would be very pleased if you sent us a cow each. actually i don't think anyone would care if you walked off with a cow. oh oh oh i have an lj now hahaha. we set it up during bio (HEY WE FINISHED OUR WORK OKAY). mich made me so i can be kaypoh and read locked entries. i tell you lj hates me. we took like forever to sign up cos the stupid are you a human thing at the bottom kept giving us problems. nose is killing me. feel like sleeping which is the only thing i've been doing ayway. wargh. i will attempt to get at least some work/studying done tonight

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

i am totally utterly exhausted. its not like the game was that tiring but i suppose that's what being sick does to you. don't think i was very impaired by my sick self other than the fact that i was so stoned out. we are through to the semis hurah. ahha it hasn't really hit me yet. i am way too stoned to actually be rejoicing thanks to the large array of medicine i am taking. i had to take a blood test today cos the doctor was afraid it might be dengue but its not thankfully. haha i really hate needles. but its quite interesting cos after that you look at the syringe which is full of this dark red thing and think "ooo that's my blood" maybe its just me.

am i supposed to be stressing? i think i am but i'm not. seeing other people stress out over goodness knows what and me not stressing out worries me much. cos it means i'm not doing something or that i'm slacking. oops. never mind i will stop being paranoid. then again exams are in what...2 weeks...3? haha we'll worry about that later. might be going new york in june coolness. maybe i will get to see the cardinals play a baseball match i say very hopefully.

Monday, April 18, 2005

i am rather sick. rather being an understatement. fever has been going on for like 4 days. and it was a terrible time to fall sick cos there was chem pt and ss pt to finish. which hasn't helped to make me recover faster seeing as how i couldn't sleep off the sickness. its very icky cos there's this layer of heat around you but you still feel kinda cold. and i've been dragging myself to school the past 2 days. why i do not know. but its not that bad cos there's my fever partner mich. haha its hilarious our fevers are like synchronised. when my temperature goes down so does hers and when mine goes up hers goes up. interesting observations. oh well a new epidemic is sweeping through the class. one by one people are like falling sick. soon half the class will be absent. I HAVE TO GET WELL BY MONDAY.

in other news i feel very liberated cos in the short term (i am ignoring the eois) there is nothing much to do other than normal homework. the performance tasks have been handed in. i am very relieved about ss being done. i should acutally take the time to catch up in my work and my studying. seriously i have been slacking my butt off. no good at all.

smiling and inducing a good mood no matter how shittified and crappified and tired you feel is good for the soul and for the people around you. i say randomly. off to do my tuition homework. yucks.

Friday, April 15, 2005

the past few days have been crazily tiring. i kinda screwed the maths test. i should pass but barely. which is stupid. its not like i didn't work for it. just that i was highly stupid and lost like 9 marks on the first 2 questions which i knew how to do but somehow your mind blanks out and you don't see what you did wrong like taking the wrong value maybe. never mind at least its over. no need to stress over it anymore. now time to stress over the perf tasks. i don't see why we presure ourselves to do so well when actually you think about it like 10 years down the road it would probably have been totally insignificant. but it seems like the one of the most significant things in the whole wide world.

my money seems to be flushing down the drain. its just disappearing at an astoundingly fast rate and i don't even know on what. quarter finals start next week when things should slow down a bit before picking up again which is good. thank goodness its not like this week or anything.

oh yes and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICH haha love ya. hope you had a good birthday :)

Thursday, April 7, 2005

i can feel my muscles aching. did weights today for training. which ended in like...2 hours. there were 4 people from the b div there. haha but it was quite fun lah. after that we sat in the canteen and talked for a bit before they left. and i waited for soomeh, sooneh and tanneh to be finished while talking to jenny. yep then they came to my place to do chem perf task. we were semi-productive. apparently i am quite dumb. i bought a 230 V bulb when the batteries were like worth 9 V. my floor is now all sticky because there is orange juice all over. don't ask. it was kinda insane. i am annoying myself because i am slacking around instead of doing work when there is tons of work to do. and just when you think you can take a b reather from fps the second problem arrives. oh wellies. today has been quite fun and rather entertaining too. to feel better now i will start studying chem. yes brilliant idea.

Saturday, April 2, 2005

tonight will be hellish. i just know it. there is the lit court case to work on, the remaining fps solutions and some french rubbish to do. help me. chionged fps with jem till like 5 cos she was gonna send it to america today. thank goodness she says we can still make it tomorrow morning. yep then i went down for training which ended really late but thank goodness my parents didn't need the car.

school has been highly boring. except for a very entertaining ss lesson today. i have only one conclusion to make. i am a perfectionistic control-freak. seriously. it may not seem like it but i am.

you know how sometimes you're so tired ok tired isn't the word more like weary and apprehensive that you feel like throwing in the towel. just take a back seat and not care. and you look at all the stuff there is to be done and all the things you're facing and it looks scary and intimidating. well times like this you remember the promise: I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me.

Psalm 23: The Lord is my shephard I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

we lost. but i think we fought hard. maybe its just me who thinks that way. but at least we never gave up. like last year's tkgs match when we trailed by so much and still whacked out a couple in the last inning. oh well we make things harder for ourselves we just have to do stuff the hard way and whack them silly on friday. what defines a winning team from a good team is the ability to pick yourself up and move on.

i am having ice cream cravings. my maths assignments are annoyingly patchy and undone. they are due tomorrow. die ellen die. fps is being sent off to america tomorrow. guess what? we're not done. i do not need to sleep tonight. got chinese back. considering i expected to barely pass i'm quite okay with it. all about expectations. heh time to start counting down to the next holidays.

Monday, March 28, 2005

i am blogging about my new theory. my new theory is that you suddenly become ten times smarter when faced with lots of pressure and stress. and your brain starts working a lot better too. one day before school starts as i sit here and pull my hair out over the stupid maths assignments. i can suddenly answer questions that i couldn't about one week ago. yes that's all i want to say.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

good friday. when you think about how so many years ago jesus gave himself up and surrendered to deat, taking on our sin and enduring all that sufferring for us, you wonder how anyone could have such love. the whole basis of our salvation is the cross. he died that we may live, he was forsaken that we might never be alone and he took on sin that we might be free. the sermon today made loads of sense. jesus came to earth to be a sacrifice for us. our response should be to be willing living sacrifices, dying to ourselves but living in him. oh wellies. have a blessed easter.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride.

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet?
Or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine
It were an offering far too small
Love so amazing so divine
Demands my soul my life my all.

Oh the wonderful cross
Oh the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
Oh the wonderful cross
Oh the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless your name

Saturday, March 26, 2005

ahhhh school is starting. thank goodness for the extra learning journeys week. i was totally unprepared to go back to school this week. not like i'm ready to go back next week. haha honestly i much prefer learning journeys to e-learning. there is a lot less work to do. and its not like we did much. just the lit movie on monday, science centre visit on weds where the omnimax movie was cancelled and the ss fieldtrip which was postponed. so what have i been doing? slacking my butt off and rolling around in bed doing absolutely nothing productive. honestly i deserve to fail everything at the rate i am going. come ellen it is time to wake up from your stupor and from residing in happy dreamland.

nationals started yesterday against assumption. and we won hurrah. haha i'm quite pleased. apparently things can only get better. time has passed so quickly. can't believe that 4 years of my softball career in sec school is coming to an end. feels surreal. well its been a good 4 years despite everything.

i have managed to start being hardworking. i finished studying half of sec 1 chinese for the test. oh well have fun everyone. snorts.

Friday, March 25, 2005

come let me tell you my new motto: let go and let live.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

today was so screwed up. well we came in second for srcs but i dunno i played like crap even though i think the team as a whole played well. i think i stress out a lot during the game for some reason. on hindsight maybe being moved to rightfield was quite okay cos it gave me time to calm down and relax and take things easy. playing outfield is quite fun. i like standing there with all that space to myself and without having to taunt continually. but of course once a third baser always a third baser. we'll see how things go. no point moping over it. move onnnn. nationals start on thursday. super tired now. haha been playing softball for the past 4 days. ladidum.

i need to learn to let go in many many things. it would be quite interesting to be a spectator of the world. haha those 2 statements did not link at all. never mind i do not make sense. i never do.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

there is only one word for this heat..suffocating. i am sitting here with the aircon at full blast and the room is still not cool. i think the sun fried my brain cells at training. i'm losing it. i think when you don't know what to feel crazy is a good choice. the mess and piles and piles of stuff all over my room and table is annoying me majorly. but i have not got round to tidying it. i lift the first thing off the pile and feel tired and dump it back down. i am highly tempted to pick up the piles and dump them into the dustbin but i am pretty sure i will regret it soon after the rubbish truck takes it away. i am so totally full of nonsense.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still know you are God

[edit] aside from throwing away my stuff. i am also highly tempted to delete my blog. which is also something i am pretty sure i will regret one week from now.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

i am feeling antisocial. yes mich my turn to feel antisocial haha. in general i am sitting here thinking about how stupid everything and the whole world is. everything meaning literally everything. no weird vague connotations to it. yep that's pretty much all i wanted to say.

[edit] i am going to play sims for the dunno what time this week. what is wrong with me. haha i think there is this strange thing about running someone's life and taking control of it cos you can't control where your own is heading. if that made sense. shrugs.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

i figure i should blog about yesterday. considering how...special it was? okay special isn't even a word that justifies the experience. anyway first things first. i apparently have a voracious appetite. at subway, i ate the one foot meatball sandwich for lunch. no one eats the one foot sandwich. i tell you by the end of lunch i had meatballs coming out of my ears. swim carn was superly boring. didn't have any idea what was going. we basically sat around at the back listening to ipods/zen micros, lying around and making noise. as well as complain about how humid it was. it was seriously humid, not even a slight breeze. evidently we weren't cheering at all. hahah i guess by the time you are sec 4 house things don't really matter much anymore. if they ever did.

anyway after that it started pouring really really heavily. and well soomeh wanted to walk in the rain. and so did i actually. walking in the rain is one of the most therapeutic things ever. its just so liberating and basically satisfying. besides we only had one umbrella which was for sooneh cos she had theory exam. but the three of us still ended up getting superly wet anyway. i was totally soaked and freezing in the mrt.

okay everything that occured after that point was totally unplanned for and was a result of my impulsivity which comes in handy sometimes. took the mrt down to cityhall cos well i have to change line and so does soomeh. dragged soomeh to walk around with me for a while because i just didn't feel like going home yet. somehow we ended up at the river next to the esplanade. and we just sat there looking at the view. and its just totally unexplainable. there's no way to put it into words and nothing i say could ever describe it or do it justice. i seemed like so much was being said between us when we weren't even talking much. haha i highly doubt anyone would get what i mean. just sitting there...and for moment everything else in the world seemed to fade away and not matter anymore. i don't think i've ever experienced it with anyone ever. and i don't think it'll ever be the same if i did it again. it kinda frustrates me cos i can't describe it. but yeah it was so special, so perfect a moment in time.

yes well i found out my parents weren't having dinner. soomeh managed to get permission to have dinner with me so we ate at kenny rogers. hahaha. i shan't bother trying to put it all into words anymore.

so today we lost our second game in a row. in a most stupid fashion. both games were lost in such a stupid fashion. we kinda lost the southzone championships against crescent which was so totally winnable. and today we lost gms during src. there are 2 ways to react after the loss...allow it to affect your next game or pick yourself up and move on. you know what? i choose to move on. there's a lot more to be said about how frustrating and how much of a struggle its been for me so far but its pretty inappropriate to say here. just suffices to say that i'm not living up to my own expectations or other's expectations of me. maybe i pressure myself too much. i can't expect to have monster season all the time. or can i? okay this is getting strange and is starting to not make sense. its a battle not against the opponent but against yourself, against your fear. and its a battle that can be won, that has been won many times before. well today there was a flash of that player i used to be. and it is gonna be more than just a flash from now on. it ain't over yet.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

new town match was yesterday and we won. but i happen to be suffering serious aftereffects from it. batting wise it was definitely a better game for me than the previous one so that's good hopefully it keeps improving. fielding wise there were a couple of outs i should have made but nothing that's bugging me too much. so my left knee is bruised at various parts and my right knee looks like the inflammation is coming back. hurrah. playing for zone champions tomorrow. i really want to win cos well we haven't lost it since we came into this school. it would be sweet to get a perfect record. if not for the nationals then at least for the zones. nerves haven't started yet.

my gum at the right side of my mouth is hurting. i think more bits of the molar is growing out. it is annoying me highly. nothing very interesting has happened recently. i am quite happy about my math marks except for that one stupid careless mistake that was the stupidest mistake one could ever make. trust me. two more days till the holidays. hooray can't wait. sleeping in here i come. no i probably won't get to sleep in much but the whole holiday thing is very psychological. got nationals grouping. not that bad...pretty managable if we play our best.

Lord won't you give me strength to make it through somehow...

Wednesday, March 9, 2005

My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again?

I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper

already in it too deep for my liking...should have known better.

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows

can't seem to find the middle ground. deliriously happy yesterday and the reverse end of the spectrum today

But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to lose you again


i couldn't bear to lose anyone again...deja vu anyone?

Friday, March 4, 2005

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I AM SO HAPPY. this is the happiest i've felt in like...eons. i don't even know why. it is just totally unexplainable. well i started out feeling very happy this morning too for goodness knows what reason. you know some days you just feel like your happiness is going to burst out of you. yes well today was one of those days. though i must say the chinese test was INSANE. i can seriously, honestly say that it was the hardest chinese test i have ever taken and that is saying a lot. gahhh. but it isn't bothering me much i'm just glad it is over. but ahhhhh i am just so happy. i wish i could stay in this mood forever and ever and ever and ever.

am feeling super hungry. hello look at the time i haven't had dinner and i haven't eaten since...2? yeah. haha. had light training today to prepare for tomorrow's game. which doesn't really feel like it is tomorrow. for some reason it hasn't really hit me yet. i hope it does not rain off tomorrow. oh for people in my class reading this: INTER CLASS 8x50 IS POSTPONED TO MONDAY. shucks. should start doing work if i intend on sleeping remotely early today. which is unlikely

Thursday, March 3, 2005

i do not know why i am blogging. pain in knee is coming back and bugging me greatly. but i refuse to tell the osteopath cos she will stop me playing softball for one week or something which is bad considering how we are right smack in the middle of competition. chinese test tomorrow. surprisingly i am quite zen about it. and i realise that things do not bother me much anymore. which is...good i guess?

playing ftp on friday. not feeling scared but it should be a challenge somewhat cos from what i heard they are pretty good this year. but i really really want to beat them. there's a long long history haha. it is 9.10 and i haven't had dinner. grandma is in china and my mother just got back. haha that's okay i ate at like 6.

interesting discussion in the library during rs with rachael tan and soomeh. this is a very interesting theory we discussed: if you don't have friends then you can't lose any. or put it this way if you don't let people get close to you they can't hurt you. it makes tons of sense. and i've actually gone through phases where i've subscribed to this theory haha but it never has really been the basis of my life. and then we were explaining to soomeh the difference between a friend and a friend. and then i had an interesting discussion with sooneh last night. ahha what is it with interesting discussions. but seriously put the two of us together and what comes out is highly profound. and we have come to the conclusion that we are very funny people

let me tell you about the sweet war going on which is absolutely hilarious. rachael tan and soomeh have started a sweet war in class. so they are hiding sweets in each other's things. so once in a while you hear this loud erruption of "SOOMEH!" or "RACHAEL" when a sweet is discovered. tis highly amusing. at this rate they will both lose all their teeth.

left three more kes to study for chinese. shall get round to it like now. oh and i am highly relieved cos this week seems to be passing by really quickly. next week will be highly busy.

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

today has been a very strange day and i do not even know what to make of it at all. shrugs. come what were the highlights of today. miss ting came back! haha it was such a blessing in disguise cos soomeh and i were outside the classroom talking about a stressful thing when we spotted her. we dashed into the class and screamed that she was here at which the whole class zoomed out and surrounded her screaming. so happy. haha missed her loads. though i guess mr. chua is a good replacement haha.

i am now dead tired. my body feels highly...punished. hahaha. training today was killer. we did like dunno how much batting. but it is quite enjoyable for some strange weird reason. i think your body feeling totally exhausted after like strenous exercise is quite a nice feeling. haha i suppose people wouldn't get what i mean. jenny do you get what i mean? and it is the endorphins release thing. but yes i predict that my arms will be completely aching tomorrow and feel like dropping off and getting outof bed will be a painful process. haha i am already suffering after effects. it kinda hurts to turn my head cos i think there's a bruise on my neck. hands are quite sore and one blister fully developed and then burst so it is super painful. had to stop myself from screaming the house down when i sprayed antiseptic on it. i sound so...post-battle wounded. fine grammar is warped but i do not care.

come i shall tell you about something gross. my big toe is currently bleeding and it has pus. it started out as an ingrown toenail but i do not know why it has got so bad. i think my toe has to be amputated soon. oh dearie me. i suppose it is infected. ok fine i know it is infected. which is not surprising. my toe would not be the most sanitary place on my body.

i think the minute i touch the bed i will knock off totally. but i have to finish these english readings for tomorrow.

how much do you really know me? for that matter how much do i really know myself?

Thursday, February 24, 2005

been a super super tiring week. zones finally started. wait lemme see. we had training on tues then weds we played friendly with rjc. it was kind of crappy. the score was like 20-20 which was quite bad and yeah well we got a huge scare. thursday had the mbti thing and the hist/lit trip interview. ahha i am an estj. i think the description is actually quite accurate of me. the interview was quite okay haha some of the questions were quite weird and miss ng and miss chow kept laughing at me. then i spent the whole of thursday night and generally friday morning freaking out about the match. cos it is the first match of the season which tends to make the nervous feelings even worse.

it was pi on friday so half day whoopee. haha our class held up these signs that said "ray and died roxorz our (low) soxorz" and waved colourful socks around when their names were announced. hilarious. then freaked out with the softballers for a while after that. but it comes to this stage where suddenly you are at peace and the freaking out stops. resh and i were sitting there just psychoing ourseleves and ended up getting really pumped up. and the team was like singing inspirational songs nonstop in the bus on the way there so adrenalin was running super high. then the game. the atmosphere was just surreal. we were making tons of noise and for some reason we had this aura of confidence and you talk about team spirit. man that was team spirit. we just rallied behind each other and it was kinda like we had this quiet confidence in each other and ourselves. it was really great and well we won. hahaha. only thing was i didn't play well. have no idea what is wrong. probably struggling with some mental block but oh well next game will be better.

training on sat was so screwed. it was so hot and i was exhausted. and i just kept screwing up. definitely a very off day. felt awful. knee started hurting like crap. but oh well it is over. yep so softball is kicking into peak period. doesnt help that the tests are too. bleh. but yeah well i thought friday was proof enough that this team is capable of going all the way to the finals.

it's not how good you are but how much you want it

Sunday, February 20, 2005

why do i let such stupid things annoy me? i step into the house and screaming match with brother ensues which just serves to frustrate me. and then before i can put down my stuff my grandma starts asking me ten thousand questions for which i do not have the answers. eg. are your parents eating tonight? well i wouldn't know would i. and then i proceed to drop my file because i am trying to tell her i don't know while putting down my stuff and telling my maid what i want to eat and then end up not eating because there is nothing to eat. so i decided to ignore everyone and take a nap which was hte best decision i've made in a long long time. other than that it was a pretty okay day.

haha it is valentine's day. thanks for the presents everyone. for some strange reason, song lyrics keep running through my head endlessly. not that i mind but it is just weird. did i mention i was sick? no i've been ignoring my blog. haha i am sick. but it is much better now. i had a stinking sorethroat and lots of phlegm clogging up my nose and throat. it bothers me that i have finished the lozenges from the doctor because they seem to be the only type of lozenges that work for me.so i have nothing to save me should the sorethroat recur.

scary news: softball season starts friday. help.

Monday, February 14, 2005

hohum. i have spent the whole of today stoning away. was supposed to blog last night (cough tanneh) but i got distracted. there's a lot of tv to watch tonight. ami and then finale of amazing race. whoopee. yesterday was a fun fun day. i should just say: go look at soomeh's blog but then again soomeh and tanneh would kill me.

cny celebrations in school were quite okay. haha the auction went surprisingly well. the last piece actually sold for more than three hundred dollars. enough proof that there is still some shred of goodness in us. i think in all the performances would have been enjoyable if not for the fact that the sun was beating down on us and it was crazily hot. so nobody was really in much of a mood to appreciate it. on the way to the bustop with tanneh, soomeh and sooneh we bumped into rachael tan. who was coincidentally on her way to plaza sing as well and after much persuasion she decided to watch finding neverland with us too. we were quite lucky to get tickets cos when we were entering the cinema the queue was insane and they were announcing that tickets for blah blah blah movies are sold out. finding neverland was good. a bit slow moving but i think i would have cried cos i felt a twinge of sadness except and the saddest part i was too busy laughing with sooneh about how tanneh and soomeh were crying their eyes out so the effect was kinda lost. what a pity. we hung around and talked some more and i bought a new cd for myself. hooray i am so pleased.

today was boring. my new shirt is long sleeved and it was hot hot hot. so today involved lots of shaking hands, smiling and sitting around. basically i stoned throughout. except for when we played blackjack which is like a once a year tradition. surprisingly i didn't lose money. i actually made around 12 bucks. it's quite fun cos it isn't anything serious, more like laughing around and joking. tomorrow don't have to go visiting cos everybody will come to our place. yippee. shall go shower now.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

i don't know what to do/feel anymore. i'm at a complete loss. times like this make me feel like crawling into a hole and disappearing for like one week to regain some sanity. it isn't like making me feel upset or anything but i hate not knowing what to do. it's like staring at everything zoom pass you and not knowing what in the world to do except stand there and watch helplessly hoping that things will go fine. it really is strange how i'm supposed to be calm, collected and steady but inside there's nothing but turmoil that no one sees. but its good i guess. it teaches me so much. to depend on him and not on myself. it's times like these that you are lost and have no one to turn to that god calls you to just be in awe of him once again.

yay today was the only lesson day of the week. hooray. because we have friday off. its the best decision the school has made in like eons. jenny i hopes you are okay now :) missed you in school today. the three of us were drawing some more today. i think miss ng has noticed because she kept looking over at us while we were drawing. oh and i got saboed into some math debate thing. are you kidding me? i have to debate about MATH. ack. i have this icky feeling that there's tons of work to be done over the cny hols. haha i do not like cny other than the yummy food (i love pineapple tarts and the stuff with the peanut filling) and the nice 2 day or in this case 3 day holiday.

i'm hoping everything turned out fine on saturday. i was sick so couldn't go for training. apparently lots of other people didn't go too and he was super pissed. sigh. headache number ten thousand and one. feel like not going for concert tomorrow. haha but no i will go. for some reason i am in a good mood. must be the moodswings.

P.S Tanneh do not even bother asking YES I AM OKAY. you too soomeh.

the one thing i ask is to be with you.
this is my cry my one desire
just to be where you are lord
now and forever

Monday, February 7, 2005

having a sore throat. was highly annoyed but never mind. pleargh. yes that word perfectly describes most of today. haha i dunno there doesn't seem to be a proper word to describe it except pleargh. which evidently is not a proper word. should pack bag soon. have friendly tomorrow. tons of stuff to bring to school. must play well. got bonked on the nose during training today but can still breathe so who cares. having problems writing goals for cle. i have no goals. at least no goals that they would consider model goals. which doesn't necessarily mean they are bad in case you were wondering. there is something i have to do tonight but i cannot remember what. it is bugging me to no end. must submit options by tomorrow. brilliant. it gives me a headache because i cannot decide what to choose. had bible study session during lunch. not as awkward as expected. must remember to bring tie tomorrow. cannot be bothered to paragraph. the caffeine is starting to lose effect. i am reverting back to stoned out mode. oh yes second draft of philo essay. that's what i forgot. mutter mumble grumble moan

Thursday, February 3, 2005

its been a sobering day. shocking and at times traumatic as well. first it was the abortion presentation during bio with very disturbing pictures and descriptions. it was terrible. i don't see how when at 7 months you can go and abort your baby. babies are born premature at 7 months. how can you not consider that murder when its living and breathing. abortion is just cruel, inhumane and just totally wrong. so much for the rights of a mother. what about the rights of a baby? it was utterly distressing and depressing.

then after that was hotel rwanda. i didn't find it that cry-inducing but it most certainly was shocking. the cruelty shown by those murderers and the ability to actually treat a fellow human being in such a manner is totally inconceivable. and the world just stood by and watched as tons of people were killed not because they couldn't do anything but because they didn't want to do anything. they absolutely did not care. and evidently we haven't learnt our lesson. everytime something like that happens they say never again will they allow something like that to repeat itself but just look at what is happening in sudan. again everyone refuses to intervene. are the lives of people worth that little care and concern? sheesh.

let's move on to happier things. we didn't have ting xie today cos there was no time. but he just told us that tomorrow we have a test. its not counted but naturally everyone is going to study but how how how. its not possible to study everything in one night. lunch was enjoyable and so was lit. lit was enjoyable because yan min amanda and i were showcasing our artistic talents. we have invented a new artform and are the new age picassos. our drawings are expected to sell for like millions of dollars considering how nice they look. hahaha.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

ahhhhhhh. i don't feel like studying for ting xie at all. this is terrible. the only thing i feel like doing tonight is plonking on my bed and sleeping. which is not remotely possible. i have to study. so far this year i have been responsible, hardworking and conscientious. therefore i must continue the trend. but i really really don't want to. bah!

on tenterhooks. need some reassurance. killing me. why can't it be over and done with right now? ellen you're not supposed to worry about stuff. just wait and see. right i should not talk to myself. it is a sign of insanity. today was a typically silly day. meaning nothing happened. its the same over and over again. go to school, sit there stone go to school sit there stone. and on and on and on. i was nice to soomeh today. laughs.

knee has to get better otherwise osteopath will stop softball for one week. CANNOT. bahhhhh. very bad and terrible time for this to happen wouldn't you think? we'll see. watching hotel rwanda tomorrow hooray. supposedly a very cryable movie. must prepare buckets for tanneh. hehe.

and sometimes despite everything i still don't know how i fit into the picture. maybe i don't.

Tuesday, February 1, 2005

i am sorely craving a coke to make me more awake and alert. right now i am totally stoned out. but i have been drinking too much coke the past 2 weeks so i shall abstain. i'm sure i can hold out long enough to write my zuo wen and then compile the geog fire management points. i am looking forward to next week where there is only one day of school cos tues is celebrations and friday is declared a holiday by the school. joy joy joy.

sad to say i didn't get much done over the weekend. what i'm doing now should have been done on friday night except i was too lazy and put it off as usual. and i was dragged around shopping with my mother and generally wasting a lot of time doing nothing productive at all. still have no found a nice pair of shoes that satisfies the 2 of us. on saturday i was out till like 6.30 without having showered after training. needless to say it felt disgusting. and yesterday poof the whole day gone because the computer outside short-circuited and naturally when you go to funan centre you rarely come out quickly. so it was looking a gadget after gadget and exclaiming about how cool it is when evidently after you buy it its just going to sit around with tons of unused functions.

i am talking nonsense. have to leave school early tomorrow because i have an appointment with the osteopath. still have not called braces woman. ELLEN STOP PROCRASTINATING. GET IT DONE. am pleased. have written one and a half paragraphs of the zuo wen. sooneh and tanneh were bullying me today. stupid meanos. and tanneh kept throwing my zig pens at me while we were watching the strange chinese opera presentation thingum. during pe he asked me to give him a high shot. i thought he meant to kick the ball since he was just teaching us high kicks and low kicks. but apparently he wanted me to toss it for him to do a header. whoops. i kinda kicked the ball and it was heading for his face. but he blocked it in time so phew. he's kinda old so who knows what would have happened if it hit him. but i must say for an old man he's quite energetic. in a variety of ways.

will stop multi-tasking and concentrate on the zuo wen so it will get done faster.

Monday, January 31, 2005

yay its friday. though its bound to be a rather busy weekend its still friday. haha i look forward to fridays. i am not very awake and perked up because i slept from about 4-7 feels lovely. is waiting for american idol to start. should get some work done. maybe the bio research.

nothing much has happened the last few days. oh yes we finally had a lesson with mr chua with his funny mannerisms and all. yan min and i spent the whole of the first lesson sniggering away. and three of us meaning me amanda and yan min make a ton of noise every math lesson discussing the questions. its actually quite amusing cos you hear weird random outbursts of "stupid yan min you can't count!" she really can't by the way haha. but its not like mrs tan can say anything cos we are doing our work.

we got to do the flame tests for chem the other day. its funnn. i like the pretty colour that potassium makes i think. can't exactly remember. playing a friendly match with overseas family school next friday. should be interesting. i hope they have a nice field. but ours isn't too bad now. they kind of flattened it and cut the grass. oh i have to talk about the highly amusing philo essay writing experience. last night soomeh, jenny and i decided that we could not possibly write our philo essay because we were kinda braindead. so we decided to do it today during recess. haha but we only wrote like one and a half paragraphs so we had to continue in rs. i think we finished it in like less than one hour and went 15 minutes late for philo. but he didn't really mind cos we told him we were photocopying the essays for the class. we were majorly freaking out.

the india service learning thing was on the news just now. haha i think they filmed it during the lower sec assembly cos i don't remember seeing any cameras. amanda and i can finish each other's sentences. which is really quite scary. so its basically back and forth between both of us especially during english lessons when we keep supplying entella with answers because otherwise she will start to get excited and all. and entella did her impression of an italian accent today. haha i saw nyx and rachael cringing from across the class room. we have random funneh plans for class video. i sound highly disjointed. will go research bio.

Friday, January 28, 2005

right been busy the past few days. completed stinkeh commonwealth essay. half of it was from last year's essay but i had to add on the other half. its pretty much nonsense. a new week whee. i try to sound enthusiastic. anyway past few days have been eventful.

had some stuff on friday morning then i went for lunch with sooneh, soomeh and tanneh which was absolutely hilarious, it was close to reaching embarressment level of supermarket. it was a pretty much productive day, shan't go into details. it suffices to say that some stuff has been sorted out and its quite a relief acutally.

saturday was uneventful. i could sleep in for the first time in like eons. whoop for joy. hmm after that nothing much except doing homework. went for fusion after that which was awesome. there were tons of people that they filled the hall and at least half the sanctuary which is a lot of people. it was fantastic and moving too. i think i really needed it at that point in time to sorta remind me of stuff.

today was fellowship sunday. went to eat at the little india foodcourt. haha the whole outing was pretty noisy. ok that's an understatement. it was accompanied by lots of loud screaming and laughing of which i had no part to play at all. then we walked around and browsed a bit at pacific plaza. where i bought josh groban's cd from that cd shop. and i am absolutely in love with his voice. which my dad thinks is not that great cos he says pavarotti's voice is ten times better. so i came home and finished my commonwealth essay. hopefully its the very last time i ever have to do it again in my whole entire life. that's assuming that it is not forced upon us in jc. oh by the way for the third time in a row i am going to be handing in my maths assignment. congratulations to meeeeee. maybe i won't fail maths this year. okay off to bed i go its school tomorrow bleh.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

music is such a beautiful lovely gift. somehow it has this ability to soothe and calm. you know what's very telling? the busier i am the more i play the piano.

today has been one long blur. so many things have happened that i am now quite lost. chem prac was quite fun today. and there was this really pretty looking yellow solution that looked like glitter when it crystallised. but it was quite dangerous too cos the liquid kept spurting out when heating. oh yes i was pressed for time the whole day cos i had to finish writing a 9 page letter to tanneh by like 3 otherwise i'd lose. haha so i was writing feverishly the whole day and i finally finished at like 1. HAHA i win. until monday that is.

today was pam's farewell party cos she's leaving for australia. well it was supposed to be a surprise but amanda forgot pam was in the yahoo groups too. but we kinda managed to fool her into thinking the party was cancelled. yeah so miss ng was quite nice to let us prepare for half of cle. and we did some talking. ordered pizza. someone brought the cake at 1.20 but i totally forgot all about it and so did the rest of the class actually until the whole thing was over. haha so much for havinga cake. so we had pizza and junkfood for lunch. i knew i should have abstained for the junkfood. my throat is feeling quite bad, i'll suffer for this tomorrow. haha we hid in the toilet for quite a while before she arrived. at least 15 minutes i think discussing very incriminating things. coughs. hahaha. we kinda looked like some mafia collecting fees from people who wanted to use the toilet. we gave pam a aussie survival guide which is quite funny.

everyone was so sluggish during training today. guess it was pretty hot for the most part. but b div did circuit today so it wasn't that bad. having a headache now. watching american idol auditions haha its quite funneh. i wonder if those people really can't tell that they are terribly offkey and can't hear themselves sing or something or are they in denial?

guilt is one of the worst feelings to live with. that was just a random statement. its strange how things can seem so familiar. like its the same scenes flashing before your eyes over and over again. and you just stop and think: wait a second this happened before hasn't it. deja vu. i wonder if i've actually learnt anything from everything that has happened before.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

last day of school for the week tomorrow yay. might have to go down to my brother's school tomorrow. its some meet the teacher session thing and my parents have some dinner they have to attend. usually they don't really bother but its his new school and he's problematic so guess who has to go.

visible improve in bee situation today. either the mass massacre of bees that occured has wiped most of them out or they are moving house. will have to lug huge bag of junkfood to school tomorrow looking like a nutcase. when i say huge i mean huge. anyway thankfully it did not rain during pe but it was boring for the most part with us passing the stupid ball around in a circle. it got better later when he let us play a mini game haha which we lost 5-4 despite the ardent support from tanneh. but hey it was 3 against 4 and for a good part it looked like we'd never score anything. have i mentioned goalkeeping is a very painful experience? apparently i have this scrape like thing on my shin.

maths test was pretty okay except i forgot how to draw a stem and leaf diagram. not my fault we last did it in like sec 1. lit was fun. haha instead of some quiz thing only we went to the koi pond and played this funny game which ended in a tie between my group and the other group. was quite hilarious but not as violent as expected. some teachers were like passing by and stopped to watch and laugh. and entella is seriously improving her efficiency. she returned the comprehension in one day. wow that's like major improvement.

bio teacher came in a threw a fit cos we weren't in the lab but its not our fault cos the timetable says its theory lesson. but anyway my slide preparation for bio was a disaster. well it wasn't really but uh it died when the root tip got washed away into the sink while i was trying to clean the dye off the rest of the slide. which happened to char and jenny as well but they managed to save the root tip before it got sucked up. i have only one conclusion. which is acutally a foregone conclusion. that i am never ever going to become a scientist. not like i intend to.

falling sick. i never fall completely sick. i just have these odd bouts of semi-sickeness that do not warrant me going to the doctor. sorethroat. am currently very distracted. will stop blogging so that's one less thing i'm preoccupied with

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

i am currently not in a very lucid state of mind. everything seems to be swirling around me. literally and figuratively. i have absolutely no idea what is going round around me. and i know i have various things to do and people to talk to but its all in this messy blur. have i mentioned how frustration and speculation just eats away at you? no this is not meant to be a troubled entry. its neutral.

anyway this morning was the worst bee invasion of our classroom ever. there were at least 20 in our class flying around our classroom looking like they'd swoop down and sting us any minute. this is not an exaggeration by the way. so we conducted a purge (you know like crucible salem witch trials) and turned off all the lights and opened the doors. sitting there in the darkness hoping the bees don't sting you while you can't see them and waiting for them to slowly being the exodus out of the classroom. its quite exciting.

then during maths she sprung a nasty surprise on us by telling us we'll have a not-counted maths test tomorrow. which i haven't studied for. brilliant. even if i study nothing will go in because as stated above head is whirling and completely blanked out. i nearly choked to death and died during recess. it wasn't even that funneh but i was just laughing my head off. and the geog teacher never believes me when i tell her stuff. she gives me this "are you sure?" look and i'm sure because i read it from reliable sources like newsweek and straits times.

today was another absolutely hilarious chem lesson where we were trying to photograh miss goh for our class video. and asking her weird questions. ahha but she's nice lah. only she would put up with the nonsense our class comes out with.

training was okay. first part was scary because he looked really pissed. about goodness knows what. somehow once in a while he's in a super pissed mood and it totally freaks everyone out. but his mood kinda improved after a while thank goodness. it usually does. so anyway soomeh, tanneh and sooneh bought me my customary drink after training. except the machine has changed habits and they tried like ten thousand times to get the green justea. then gave up and bought the H2O. and then sneakishly while i was in a vulnerable postion (ie. no hands) stuffed it into my bag which i discovered only like in the car. i actually thought it was just the money they stuffed in. sneakeh.

i will go and attempt to do some studying and cram some of the maths stuffs into my already swirling head. there is pe tomorrow oh the horrors it better not rain. but you know what's good? she changed the crucible test to a verbal group competition thing. and ting xie tomorrow is cancelled. hahaha suddenly i feel better.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

i finally finished reading the crucible last night after apprentice hooray. nothing to do tonight cos i finished everything over the weekend. hooray. i realise i am much more hardworking this year. i happen to have done every piece of homework so far including maths.

today we had the most boring pe lesson ever in my whole entire life. it was raining see and we didn't do anything at all except sit there and listen to him go on about wall passes and square passes and why you need possession and using technology in soccer. i would rather have kicked the ball from one end of the field to the other over and over again. and we finished watching shakespeare in love today. i think its supposed to be sad but well haha how sad can it get when you're watching it with my class. then he made us do impromptu ting xie after giving us 10 minutes to study. today i finished filling up soomoo's princess diaries diary with rubbish. hahahaha.

so anyway i didn't print the cloze passage last night for french cos my printers still aren't working and apprentice started so i forgot to ask someone to print it for me so i was feverishly copying it out from the website after school. snorts. french teacher was impressed. which is quite a rarity.

had to wear my knee guard around the whole day. come let me tell you the story of my very incompetent orthopaedic surgeon. he looks at my x-rays "your alignment is hyperextended but its only a minor problem." next x-ray "your channel is narrower than most people but its only a minor problem." and so on and so forth. at the end of it he says "you have overworked your knee. don't exercise so much." very helpful indeed. but i probably have to go back cos he said come back if it still hurts after one month. and its been 5 months? unless i go back to the doctor and ask for a referral to another guy. which is troublesome.

Monday, January 17, 2005

i am highly annoyed with the way i am smelling. was out shopping with my mother and accidentally sprayed some weirdo perfume on myself. it is bothering me greatly. anyway a miracle happened this morning. i managed to get the family to church on time. make that early. wow. it takes a tremendous effort. am slightly worried because i have not finished the crucible though i read one whole act last night. neither have i studied for ting xie or finished maths worksheet but it should be fine. and its the debut episode of apprentice 2 tonight. yippee i have been waiting for ages for it to start showing.

so anyway whole afternoon was spent shopping for new clothes because of chinese new year. shopping is highly stressful and tiring by the way. fine its not that bad, shopping for shoes is the most stressful cos i can never find anything. its mostly longsleeve stuff all over cos its still the fall/winter season. and most things are grossly overpriced especially dkny and armani exchange. but i suppose it was quite fruitful. still do not understand the need to have new everythings for chinese new year.

brother darling has been having gastric the whole day. poor soul. crappeh i have letters to reply to. o i have to finish stuff by 8. should probably start now. unless i leave ting xie till tomorrow. oh dear printer is still not working can't print french exercise out. my daddy tried installing the new wireless printer and ended up screwing up the other printer as well. bah. oh and i think my daddy is trying to relive his youth or something. hahah he just bought a very young looking bag and shirt. its amusing. must be a phase all middle-aged men go through.

highly tempted to skip dinner. last night's leftovers i think. and i'm highly full. plus i have a cupcake to eat. haha but i will have to eat something. i want to watch the aviator its supposed to be quite good and the other japanese show can't remember what its called. must remember to practice piano later. off to read crucible

Sunday, January 16, 2005

amazing fact: i finished compre last night. terrible fact: i have not started on the summary. i have written 2 words. i'm hungry. why am i always hungry? and i feel highly heaty. like i'm giving off heat. its been like 6 hours since training ended and i'm still suffering from the aftereffects. it was super super hot today. hottest training in quite a while and i didn't put sunblock. i feel quite burnt but its not really showing.

training was good today. pretty happy cos our team is looking quite good and we still have a couple of months to go. shooting for no less than the gold. borrowed the crazy ball so i can practise with it at home. arm is apparently very stiff.

this weekend i absolutely HAVE to finish the crucible. and there's ting xie on weds. our chinese teacher is nice and looks grandfatherly. but i don't really get what he's talking about cos he just rambles on and on and on. oh and i had a yummy lunch today. i wonder what's for dinner. its super windy outside. i will stop being random.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

as i am typing this my nose is bleeding away and bloody tissue is strewn all over the table. but its stopping thank goodness. bloody noses are messy business. anyway its the end of the week yippee. not like the weekend is less busy but its a nice feeling. ok i have to talk about softball tryouts i think we had like close to a 100 trying out for like 15 places. its absolutely insane considering last year we had 14 people and the year before 4. i have no idea what has sparked the sudden drastic increase but hey i'm not complaining. we've spotted quite a few whom we want so that's good. the talent seems pretty good for this batch. some of them might even play this year.

couldn't be bothered to continue blogging last night from where i left out. i didn't do anything last night acutally cos i forgot there was a maths worksheet and the philo articles to read. have i mentioned how frustrating philo is? we're discussing some determinism thingum and when we finally reach a conclusion on something he asks us something else and so the debate starts again. haha its super super frustrating but he's a better teacher than the one we had last year. and miss chia sat in on the class today.

accompanied soomoo to see miss ng during recess cos she had to ask her something and miss ng said she wants to set up a bible study in class or something to that extent with a couple of people. and we had the prefect board talk during assembly which was..haha funny for the wrong reasons. and we got briefed about our class video. how fun we have to make it really special. as special as our class.

ok my nose has stopped bleeding. the months ahead look to be quite daunting. what with the tests going to start coming and softball matches will start around march. i bet they will somehow coincide which will totally drive me up the wall. they kind of reinstated our mid-years but they aren't calling them mid-years. such is the power of euphemisms

To quote: "We can do very little about what people say or think about us, but we can go to great lengths to live a godly life." this thought is helping to preserve some of my sanity. otherwise i will just go crazy with the mostly unreasonable obligations that people put on you. you can't please everyone can you? so just please god. but still i will humour them, doesn't cost me anything.

Friday, January 14, 2005

we are in bio now. supposed to be researching at cancer.com but i am blogging. i do not want to get freaked out with scary cancer stories. mitosis and meiosis are a level topics which are not in the textbook. i am going to die for it. soomoo is next to be. she is supposed to be blogging cos she hasn't blogged in ages. we just got our new seating arrangements in cle. its quite ok i don't have an issue with it. she put me next to yarn meen. which will not make mrs tan happy. oh dearie me. our column is full of noisy people. its going to be completely havoc. but i must listen. oh next to yan min is amanda. haahhahaha. that's quite hilarious but i'm not sure why.

i slept super early last night cos i had a terrible headache. but i taped the amazing race but i may not watch it since it was non-elimination. i can't wait for jonathan to get eliminated. american idol and the apprentice 2 are starting soon. somehow i will squeeze out time to watch it. will blog morel ater. must listen

Thursday, January 13, 2005

my brain feels overloaded. yes and it feels like its about to explode. its quite a strange weird feeling. i am having a rare moment of awakedness. ok that sounded wrong. i am feeling awake in a very rare moment. never mind. the half an hour nap has fooled my brain into thinking i have had enough sleep. i am sure. i have not slept 8 hours in the last 10 days (since school started) not even on saturday and sunday. so my brain is pretty much non-functioning. but well school isn't that bad, the work seems to be managable for now. and i handed in the scrapbook so that's a huge relief cos i don't have to fuss about it anymore.

monday was a highly stressful day but i think i've found the answer to the problem. oh and cos we don't have to do anything more for hssrp we have to take part in some future problem solving competition thing which is kinda like the governance thing we did last year in ss. the one where they give you an imaginary situation in the future. but we still haven't managed to settle the groupings which is quite frustrating. we have a relief teacher for ss for the next 2 weeks cos he's on reservist. the guy is quite amusing, he told us his nickname was pikachu and that we could call him that.

had tryouts for sec 1s during training yesterday. tomorrow as well actually. but well there were so many. i have never seen so many coming for tryouts before. it looked like half the sec 1 batch came down or something like that. but it got quite boring after awhile just standing there tossing for them to hit and counting their points. then i mucked around with soomoo and tanneh for like 45 minutes or so.

nothing much happened today. thank goodness there's no piano lesson this week cos she's on holiday. i would have somehow managed to fall asleep while playing or something like that. had both chem prac and bio prac today. i don't like pracs but chem was pretty okay. i like seeing the chemicals change colour when you add something to it. its very fascinating but the whole chem lab stinks and the safety glasses are super uncomfortable but she won't let us not wear it. i have no idea what's going on in bio though. something about mitosis and meiosis. and looking into the microscope. never mind. that is to be worried about later. like everything else. we'll deal with it when it comes.

oh and we have to do commonwealth essay again. and the whole world groans. without fail every year. they should just make those who have a chance of winning it do it. happy news: next friday is a holiday. yay

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

as expected i am aching. unexpectedly its not that bad. currently doing maths homework which is quite easy but confusing. my printers died on me so i can't print pictures for the chinese scrapbook but tanneh is nicely printing them for me. thanks tanneh. hahah.

i am accumulating a humongous sleep debt. i can tell. it comes to this point in time when i am perpetually tired and the only option is to ignore it cos there's tons of things to do. my daddy has gone to shenzhen for business things. i am hungry. my mother's office people came for dinner yesterday but i mostly stayed upstairs after eating because i was feeling antisocial yesterday and i had a long long talk with soomoo online. which has helped considerably. thanks soomoo. luff you and stop stressing. and sleep early tonight.

and so school starts again tomorrow. i think its a full week. oh and i have two blogs in my never to visit again list but since ellen likes to be dumb she will go and visit them anyway. i think my attempts at being good are working so far. i have been doing my math homework and all my other homework and listening in class. haha now to keep it up. if you would believe it was telling tanneh just now what homework there was HAHA. the irony. but that's ok its just because we distressed her greatly on friday so she couldn't concentrate. i want to go out and watch a movie. fat hope i am returning to my nonexistent life outside school mode.

still have not read crucible. congratulations to me. its not a very nice book that's why. we'll probably change our seating arrangements tomorrow. wonder who i'll sit with. wonder if entella is going to be evil to me. i bet she is. guess who i'll end up sitting with then. HAHA. i don't mind per say but its just evil on her part. i must finish maths tonight because i have to do scrapbook tomorrow. at least lit is done with. yay.

Sunday, January 9, 2005

hoho my knees are going to drop off and so is my right arm. i can just feel it. therefore i have no nose (snort), knees and one arm. at this rate i'll have no more body parts. oh wait i can't snort without a nose. it was tortourous dragging myself out of bed this morning. it was raining and super cold and i was nice and comfy and tired inside the nice warm blanket. and trying to convince myself that since it was raining we wouldn't do much. haha fat hope man i forcibly got myself off the bed and off to training where i was freezing for the first half hour terrible weather today. but it stopped raining or rather it reduced to drizzling. am currently in pain all over. and my handphone is downstairs. i refuse to make a painful journey down. bah bah bah

Saturday, January 8, 2005

ellen is a happy kid. i love being with people who...i dunno hahah make you happy? ok that was quite a duh statement but you should get what i mean. as compared to people intent on making you suffer and making your life absolute hell in the short span of time you spend together.

anyway today was quite a slack day in school. the teacher didn't turn up for ss. oh and i maintain that i do not give off vibes. seriously. at least not intentionally. haha. and we were so super sneakeh during recess and made tanneh highly distressed but happy. haha WE WIN LAH. assembly was highly boring, one of the most boring talks ever and quite perverted too snort. so basically there wasn't much. and philo is getting quite controversial haha. but that's ok controversy is good.

then i got my hair settled but i kept falling asleep. following which i half napped and half messaged soomeh. then i went down to ymca to watch them perform. and seriously it was nothing so stop feeling guilty haha i enjoyed myself thoroughly. ok? and we were behaving super retardedly but it was so funneh. we had like 6 drinks coupons so it was basically 2 for each of us but we condemned like 3 drinks to the dustbin cos they really tasted terrible. tanneh's dad sent me home even though it was so far away which made me feel terrible. thanks so much tanneh and tell you dad i say thanks so much too.

so its a pretty eventful day kind of. and there's training tomorrow at 7.30 so much for the five day week and sleeping in on saturdays but i guess we don't have much of a choice. oh well i better go and sleep otherwise i'll never be able to wake up on time tomorrow morning.

If the godly compromise with the wicked, it is like polluting a fountain or muddying a spring.
-Proverbs 25:26

Friday, January 7, 2005

i know i just blogged 5 minutes ago but check out what appeared in my inbox:
Now at this moment, I may not know what God has in mind for me. But He knows. The way God understands the future and how we understand the future is much like an artist's understanding of a blank canvas and our understanding of a blank canvas. The artist looks at the white canvas and paces back and forth. He takes out a pencil and draws a couple of broad strokes and then looks at it again. Then we walk up and say, "What is that?" He tells us and we respond, "Well, it doesn't look like that to us." But the artist confidently remarks, "It's coming. It's a work in progress. I have a vision, a plan." The artist is thinking about the end result even though he has only drawn a couple of seemingly meaningless strokes. We often times look at our unfinished lives in the same way we might look at a blank canvas. Things may not be going as expected. Life is not progressing according to our schedules. So we say, "The Lord must have forgotten about me. The Lord has abandoned me. It's over with." No. The Lord has a vision for your life. He has a plan. You are a work in progress. You are under construction. God is not finished with you yet. We merely see the beginning. God sees the end from the beginning. Take heart. We see a blank canvas. God sees a masterpiece in progress.

Thursday, January 6, 2005

NONSENSE (to be ignored): this is plain weird. i feel plain weird. everything feels plain weird. haha i dunno what to do is there even anything to possibly do? at this point in my very short and pretty much uneventful life i have no idea what to do about anything and everything. ignore me. i am talking nonsense.

NONSENSE AS WELL BUT NOT AS NONSENSE: i am dead tired. my knee is hurting. training was tiring. but you know what i think i like tiring trainings better for undisclosed reasons. do you know how strange this is getting? everyday after 12 noon i totally zone out. like completely. i stone out and hardly say anything at all. which is not normal for me. haha that is just plain strange. and i like short days before cca cos i can go have lunch like today. yay. it rhymes. i could just collapse on my bed and die (sleep) but i'll feel terrible sleeping so early on a school night. on any night actually. oh help where is everyone when you need them.

you know when i say ignore me you really should. i am just being stupid and paranoid. hahaha. I AM HAPPY. i really am. i'm just happy and lost. but still happy, there are tons of things to be happy about anyway.

Thursday, January 6, 2005

i'm dead beat and its only the third day of school. was super super stoned out as a result especially during french. and we got split into our chinese classes today. there's a bunch of bees every morning that barricades us in our classroom. which is quite scary cos there's really a ton of them. everyone kind of dashes into class. pe was really amusing, the teacher is really amusing. i don't think he means to be but he just is. and we got to watch more of shakespeare in love during lit cos we made a bargain with her. bio was quite nice cos she let us go down to the canteen and eat while she was discussing stuff with us. the benefits of having only 10 people in your bio class. anyway there's already a ton of stuff to do haha and i am superdeedooper tired. never mind somehow i will survive this i think i just need to get used to getting less than 8 hours of sleep again and i'll be just fine

Wednesday, January 5, 2005

i am in a strange mood. i shouldn't be in this mood the day was perfectly happy and well happy until later on. why in the world i let someone else spoil my lovely mood i don't know. what i need is to talk to someone on the phone but i dunno who to call. sigh. cheer up ellen and do your homework.

so lessons started proper today but it was quite slackish. we had consecutive blocks of english and lit. one could die from boredom considering we took 2 hours to brainstorm the commonwealth essay questions. haha and then our class is going to play the angel mortal game (sort of) within the class so we had to create mailboxes during lunch. it was utterly hilarious decorating the various envelopes which we filled with all sorts of rubbish. cough cough.

and then i didn't have lunch because i was hungry and busy decorating envelopes which i really regretted later cos i was super hungry after that and i was going to die after training. at least i have people lined up to read my eulogy. spent rs with soomoo doing sneaky things. haha we are so terribly sneaky i tell you. its hilarious. oh and gatsby hair spray rocks. hahaha. i'm still hungry but forget it there is work to be done. sadly. i will stop being annoyed and miserable. it started off a happy day and it will end a happy day

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

am feeling very stoned out now. culdn't sleep at all last night possibly cos i haven't slept at 10 for like 2 whole months. the earliest i've slept is 1 am. so i spent the whole night tossing and turning in bed. school today was boring. our class hasn't changed one bit. we're still as crazy as ever (ok maybe that's just me). haha in the morning the only thing you could hear from our class was lots of shouting and screaming. and i flipped when we found out who our teachers are. entella flipped about my hair well sort of. she wants it black by tomorrow but there's no way i can get my hairdresser at such short notice but jenny is a genius. black hair spray is my new best friend. i should never have believed the hairdresser when she said it couldn't be seen anymore.

so basically we sat through endless rounds of talks that made no sense and were totally useless. oh and got lectured for making so much noise and pushing limits and not setting good examples for our juniors which we should be doing cos we're sec 4. oh oh oh and soomoo is going to be richardson idol and i'm going to endorse her cd and tanneh and i are her number one fans. and all her fans can have a collar pin and shirt blah blah blah. we even composed a song and cheer for soomoo. hahahhaa. and when she's famous she'll have every sort of merchandise just like the disney princesses. yes this is what we do during house talk.

lessons start tomorrow, already have homework from entella. she wants the cle journal with three resolutions. my resolutions are strictly private, i spent one hour setting them yesterday. i shall have to cook up some rubbish resolutions to write in. like i will pay attention in class and i will not get booked this year. or something like that. i will try to think of something better that she will not be able to use against me when it does not get achieved ie. filing. i have made that resolution every year of my schooling life and have never accomplished it. therefore i did not even bother including it this year. yay me.

Monday, January 3, 2005

last night's entry was rather mad sounding. that's ok i was in a very weird mood last night and felt like cutting off my nose. until i was distracted by a very entertaining msn conversation after which i became rather high. must be allthe laughing. anyway i have this sudden realisation that school starts tomorrow. and chinese homework is not finished. though its not at the stage where i need to panic because most of it is done and its only due friday. tomorrow is going to be a waste time day full of talks which i will sleep through or amuse myself through.

its my mother's birthday today (i haven't got a present die ellen die) so we had sunday brunch at the ritz carlton which was quite fun except there was so much food i feel stuffed to the brim. watched half of farenheit 9/11 last night. it is quite revealing. my father is completely thrilled with the new printer he bought and he is going to cook dinner tonight for my mother. how very amusing and entertaining. i have to keep reminding myself that it is 2005 and that as off yesterday my class is offically 415 and not 315. which doesn't quite feel the same. anyhow i have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. maybe later but i have to wake up at 6 to be safe because my brother picked up the call from the schoolbus people and forgot the time they said they would come. which could be anytime between 6-7. gahhh. i am actually quite looking forward to school even though it marks the end of slacking around having fun doing nothing. yes no commas because they all come together. oh well its always better to be optimistic wouldn't you think? hahaha.

i don't think i've made much sense. i don't think my previous 2 entries have made much sense. haha but it's my blog and if i don't want to make sense i won't make sense. ok i should really stop rambling on and on and on now. i have got important things to do now.

Sunday, January 2, 2005

i am having horrible sneezing fits. i hate this lousy weather. i am going to freeze to death. i feel incoherent like this mumble jumble of thoughts mixed up in my mind. must be the sneezing fits. today was uneventful. mother is springcleaning. i can't think straight. refuse to do scrapbook. oh help save me.

Saturday, January 1, 2005

HAPPY NEW YEAR

ok so its a new year. looking back 2004 was a really tough year for me. went through a really rough patch and its possibly been one of the more difficult times in my very short life. and i guess even now when i think back on it the pain comes back, like these flashes of it and then it goes away. and its changed me for better or worse i don't know. i've grown a lot, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. i've experienced things, new feelings like seeing what you put everything into just collapse and let you down completely. but i guess at some point in time we have to shed our innocence and face up to the realities of this world. but i think i've emerged stronger, i came out of it loving god even more because he never left me even though i totally lost focus at some point in time. and even though there was this point in time when it felt like i could never trust another person ever again, this year has taught me to treasure friendships, to see who my friends are or ought to be. if that makes sense. the issues don't go away it just fades into less importance especially when you really start to come before god and surrender everything to him instead of holding back.

anyway spiritually its been lots of highs and lows. but my spiritual life was way better this year than the past few years. i've learnt a lot about god and he's touched me in many was with his incomprehensible love and grace. church has become a bigger part in my life definitely and well the rest is personal. haha

school-wise its been an okay year. i coped relatively well except for maths but i guess i was just getting by. could have done better but isn't that always the case. softball was disappointing. wasn't playing up to expectations but i did meet my goal of playing on the first team but yeah its been rough.

i've sort of grown closer to my mother but we still go through these phases where all we manage to do is piss each other off. am still trying to be nice and loving to my brothers who still seem intent on annoying me 24/7

and then we come to friends. thank you all so much, everyone who has stood by me, people whom i have grown so much closer to in this year. and my class 315 which i can say is probably the best class i have ever had in my entire schooling life. i really thank god with all my heart for the people he has put in my life (you know who you are) and i am so blessed to have friends like these. its been a painful lesson learnt when it comes to the people i surround myself with but its been a valuable one. i love you guys loads, thanks for making this year special and bearable.

yeah so that's all i have to say for now. maybe i'll blog tomorrow about my goals and resolutions once i set them hahaha. i did not like looking back on this year but it had to be done to bring some sort of closure to it. anyway a new year brings new hopes, new beginnings and i'm actually looking forward to it because well you can't have two bad years in a row can you? and besides god will be with me in the year ahead and so will my friends and family. so here's to a good year ahead.

and this is very true: there is a reminder of the Resurrection at the start of each new year. God seems to be saying "with me you can always start afresh" - ada lum

so once again happy new year and god bless to all.

Saturday, January 1, 2005

its a cold rainy day. i have been freezing half the day. today has been pretty busy. my brothers and i took my maid out for lunch cos its her birthday then we i had to go with them to get their uniforms which was absolutely chaotic. the shop is like totally packed, thank goodness i didn't need to get anything. then we went supermarketing for dinner tonight. after dinner there's church. haha i have nothing much to say for now. i will continue blogging later. i want to go watch tv now.

Friday, December 31, 2004

i have not woken up so early in eons. i have no recollection of what i did yesterday. oh yes i cut my hair. i don't think it looks fine. then again haircuts are always highly traumatising affairs. then i had piano blah blah blah. and my piano teacher is flying off tomorrow to bangkok to see if she can find her friend in the hospitals there. oh and i did something secret yesterday morning. haha. how mysterious

anyway today just served to remind me why i hate events like cca orientation and open house. it makes no sense. and it wastes my precious sleeping time. i was darn bored. and ended up being the doorstopper for su mae. haha so i sat there on the chair and kept the door of the choir room open so sec 1s could go in. how funny. i guess bored people come in useful once in a while haha.

yep then i met up with shuxian to go out which was a long overdue thing. i was early she was late. as usual hahaha. so we bought tickets to watch oceans twelve and walked around cos she wanted to shop. i refused to even let myself look closely because i couldn't possibly find any bit of money to buy anything at all considering how broke i am. its called flat out broke. no money to spare at all. the movie was quite good, confusing at times but still good. then we walked around and shopped somemore without actually buying anything.

cousins came for dinner, one with her new fiance. her new fiance is a subject of great amusement to us for some weird little reason. i'm eating too much, i feel so stuffed up. like a turkey. i am very free tomorrow. oh yes i have to go and buy something from borders for next year but that shouldn't take too long. there is french on monday morning. ahha i am already not looking forward to it this is a bad sign. i am just horribly lazy. i am hope the teacher is nice and can teach and isn't boring.

there hasn't been very promising news about the teachers we're gonna get next year. oh well. i am actually quite looking forward to the new year. new beginnings bring new hopes i guess. ok we'll save that for our new year reflections/resolutions thingie for tomorrow. this should be sufficiently long wouldn't it?

Thursday, December 30, 2004

i may not have piano lesson tomorrow because my piano teacher has a close friend who was in phuket and is still unaccounted for so she might be going to try and find her. i hope she is fine.

so anyway my brother went to his new school today. he's going to acs international. apparently the classrooms have glasswalls etc etc. then got out of the house within 15 minutes of waking up to for lunch with my brothers and my mother who was on leave today and the service at the lunch place is terrible. they got our order wrong (despite repeating the order like three times) didn't have tons of stuff that day because apparently the stock hadn't arrived yet blah blah blah. went for pilates again because the woman says i have lots of problems which is probably true. so i have to correct my alignment, strengthen various leg muscles which are not working properly and strengthen my ankle which i have sprained one too many times. anyway instructor says i need to breathe more (HAHA TANNEH) never mind that was an inside joke.

the chinese scrapbook is frustrating me because it takes so long to do and i have only 8 pages with 12 more to go. i don't know how in the world i am going to fill the thing up i have absolutely nothing to talk about. zilch. i think i can squeeze only 3 pages or so out from the japan trip and i don't have anything else to talk about. i stuck stickers all over from my ancient sticker collection to take up more space. haha. apparently the sticker collection is quite extensive. photos and the google translator are currently my best friends. i don't feel like anymore tonight. if i do it at the rate of 3 pages per day i will take 4 more days. goodie i think i am on track to finishing it by the time school starts. yay yay yay i am in a considerably more optimistic mood.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

i have just finished playing a round of chinese scrabble with the family. do not ask. my brother's new chinese tuition teacher is coming tomorrow to assess his foundation (or lack thereof) and she sounds highly intimidating. therefore we attempted to jumpstart my brother's non-existent chinese. in other news, little progress has been made on scrapbook, it is taking longer than expected but at least some of it has been done. no one to talk to online, not that i have much substantial things to talk about since nothing much is going on in my life at this point in time.

oh yes the toes on my left foot are bruised and painful. because the door at the restaurant we went to for lunch swung shut on them. i don't think the nail is in danger of falling off which is good because it is a very gross process but it is all bruised. gah. stinking door. room that was tidied up has become messy again. newsweek is in the car so i have nothing to read tonight. oh yes i have the book my mother bought for me. i have just finished reading adrian mole and the weapons of mass destruction. adrian mole is very funny. i will now read the da vinci code (yes very slow i know) maybe then i will understand why it is so controversial

and the tsunami thing is just so tragic and sad. the death toll is outrageously high. just thank god that he has blessed us with such safety and peace here. but still its very shocking to think how any of those people holidaying in phuket could be us considering we go there quite often. we shall not dwell on such morbid thoughts. i will sleep relatively earlier tonight.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

now that i am more lucid i shall blog about yesterday. so after church i had to go to my grandmother's house (father's side) for christmas lunch. it was really squishy cos her flat is really small but she refused to get out of her house and go somewhere else because she generally doesn't like moving cos she has all sorts of aches and pains. then we went home and i helped my mother prepare for the party at night. christmas party number three with my parent's friends. food was yummy. this is evil, this is a conspiracy to make me overeat. i feel so stuffed like 24/7 now. i bet the food is still digesting. yes and i wasn't very sane last night. i stayed awake long enough to shower and cart my presents upstairs.

today has been pretty uneventful - compared to previous days that is. i am doing the chinese scrapbook thing. i have finished one page oh whoopee 19 pages to go. HAHA good luck to me man. i need more pictures to take up space. i took about 2 hours to do one page. ok fine make that 1 and a half because half an hour was spent on the phone. monisha's house is going berserk. all i heard was screams and shouts between her brothers and her. haha it sounds even more disastrous than my house which is peaceful now cos my brother has a friend over and the other one is tidying up his room.

i am so happy despite the chinese scrapbook. i just don't know why but i am so happy. this is probably around the best i've felt all year. hahaha due to many many reasons. it struck me when i woke up that exactly one week from now at the same time i would be in school. haha but that has failed to dampen my mood. its not that bad considering i get to see everyone again :D that's the only good thing about school, the company. ok enough rambling. 19 more pages of scrapbook to do. hahahah congratulate me man. just congratulate me.

Monday, December 27, 2004

am about to collapse. think i had too much wine during dinner. ok what do i mean think. i know. HICK. ok i will not burst out into song. crap i still need to shower. all i feel like doing is slumping on my bed and falling asleep. my head is woozy. remind me never to do this ever again. wheeeeee

Monday, December 27, 2004

before christmas ends in approximately 29 minutes....
MERRY CHRISTMAS

yes so i feel like i'm floating on clouds now. woke up this morning for church then went to kino because they left one present out yesterday when my mom bought stuff. and we ended up buying more books for ourselves cos the stuff is on discount. haha so fun. then when i came home my cousin arrived with her kids so we played with them and read a bit of my new books then i helped prepare for the christmas dinner. and i ate a super lot during dinner. haha the only thing bad about christmas is that i makes you put on weight cos there's lots of yummy food to eat like ham and turkey. i say piggishly. then i spent the whole night until now with my mother (who is just staring to learn piano) trying to get the duets right for the christmas carol. it has been highly frustrating and i could just pull my hair out but i am highly satisfied cos we finally managed to get some songs. yes so its been a lovely christmas. christmas is a time of celebration because of the birth of jesus christ who came into the world to save us all. its a happy day.

so happy birthday jesus and once again merry christmas to all.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

SOMEONE ENTERTAIN ME. ok i am bored. i should not be bored on christmas eve but dinner has ended and my parents had to appear for a while at a friend's house so i am stuck at home with nothing to do. which is quite sad don't you think.

in other news i tidied up my room today. whether it looks tidier i dunno. ok it does minimally. there's the 2 huge plastic bags of junk food from the party though. i have no idea what to do with it. it'll take like 10 years to finish how how how. i spent the whole afternoon helping my mother wrap presents. and i just realised i haven't wrapped my presents. i suck at wrapping presents by the way. they end up looking like little clumps. i still have not mastered the art. and i strongly dislike wrapping, it succeeds in putting me in a very unchristmassy mood.

i am feeling very tired. like i'm drunk. but see i can't be drunk i didn't touch any alcohol during dinner. soomeh is doing naughty things now haha. i will not start reflecting on my year cos it hasn't ended yet. haha. i have to wake up early to go to church. dinner was yummy. i am starting to sound incoherent with a very broken up train of thought. haha train = choochoo i feel like throwing things around the room. do you know in bangkok they have these special places where you can fling stuff around to break them and relieve stress. how very interesting. it must be quite therapeutic (i think i spelt it wrongly) bye bye spelling. and grammar.

my knee has been hurting today. curse the lousy knees. i should chop them off. ok that didn't make sense but it annoys me to no end. i'm only 15 for goodness sakes. it was supposed to have gone away but no it comes back as soon as i start exercising. its not like i can take a permanent break.

ok happy things. think happy thoughts. not like my knee was depressing. just annoying. haha have i mentioned santa comes every year? my parents just do it to humour us. and every year we insist that santa is coming again so he does. and we justsaw the presents we asked santa for in the car. HAHA. fudge oreos are yummy. ;) i need to cut my nails, they are super super long. its not like i want to keep them long. i'm just too lazy to cut them and when i actually want to get down to cutting them i can't find the cutter. this entry has on the whole made me sound very demented. ok i am. i never make sense anyway

Friday, December 24, 2004

hello hello. i am taking a break. i have just finished one changwensuoduan. now for the scrapbook. haha i will go and google search for pictures so i don't have to write so much. and i shall have to write down what i plan to write about. and then figure out how to say skiing in chinese. HOHO congratulate me. stuck doing chinese on christmas eve. in case you didn't know (poor you) ITS CHRISTMAS EVE. isn't that just lovely? ok excuse me i am very hyper-ish. chinese is doing evil things to my brain (which does exist in case you were wondering).

i am looking forward to dinner tonight. i love christmas eve dinner. and its always yummy too. hahah. okay okay i shall spare all the pain of reading the ramblings of a mad, insane soul. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Friday, December 24, 2004

my mommy is in trouble haha. she left christmas presents till very late. she is rushing like crazy now. i am supposed to go help her and i will soon. nothing has happened in the last 2 hours but i am blogging again. oh as expected my mother redid the tree when she came back from holiday. but i did think that i didn't do such a bad job of the tree considering i had both my brothers helping me. before school starts i have to meet christine, carol, moni and shuxian. is that all? yeah i think i've pretty much met everyone else. now to squeeze that plus other random things into the next week. this will require some intricate planning

this is just to waste time by the way. you should only read this entry if you are interested in reading loads of rubbish about absolutely nothing worthwhile at all. like how my brother has not bought his school books. i'm sure he is the epitome of effectiveness. which reminds me i want to go to borders and buy my organizer for next year. the stockings have been put up already. i kindly reminded brother darling that it was one day early but he says he doesn't care. how very eager he is. i bet he won't give me even a card again. but no matter.

okay next. i vaguely want school to start but don't want school to start if that made sense. i love being able to just sit there and do nothing. which is kind of like an impossiblity when school starts. the stress begins with the crammed schedules and moutain loads of homework. ok i will scare myself with such horrifying thoughts and enjoy the rest of my holiday

apparently my msn is screwing up. stupid thing. ok it is now fixed. wasn't i right? isn't this entry completely worthless? haha. i want to watch oceans 12. maybe next week. haha i like brad pitt. i want to go back to japan and ski. and play in the pretty pretty snow even though its so cold. i am happily listening to the oc mix 2. (HAHAH THANKYOU). i should go now and help my mother. toodly

Thursday, December 23, 2004

in a while i will go and work on my chinese homework. which i am not looking forward to cos its just so tedious and boring. if it at least remotely interested me maybe it would be easier to get myself to do it.

on the whole today was pretty uneventful. i woke up super late as expected. after effects of the sleepover. i didn't even take a nap yesterday so essentially i survived on 2 hours of sleep yesterday. i mucked around then went for pilates class which my mother sent me for cos she thinks my posture is terrible (which it probably is). haha it was quite strange. apparently the alignment from my hips to my feet is off and certain muscles are not doing enough that's why i have my knee problem thingie.

so my mother wants to know what i want for christmas and i don't know. haha i seriously can't think of anything much that i need or want at this point in time. haha i stupidly, impatiently bought myself my ipod but my parents did say know when i asked them earlier on. i have a ton of things to do before school starts (not just chinese), thinking about it gives me a headache. which reminds me i have to make an appointment with the hairdresser. my mom insists my highlights cannot be seen anymore but i say they can. i shall go down and eat a cupcake and then start on chinese

Thursday, December 23, 2004

i am very spaced out but i am trying not to go to knock out. i had 2 hours of sleep last night on a tiny plot of land. soon i will give up and just go to sleep. but i am very happy. and feeling so loved.

anyway so yesterday was our class christmas party / sleepover. so tanneh and soomeh came at 1 yesterday so we could go to the supermarket and buy stuff to cook for dinner. the supermarket trip was very amusing, coupled with very moronic behavior which had NOTHING to do with me. seriously. haha. then we rubbished around in my room until 4 when people arrived. but most people were late anyway. then we cooked dinner. haha the three of us cooked dinner. no it was not a disaster, we did not blow up the kitchen or start any fires. 2 teachers came. we forced mich to finish her food (bwahahahaha) and sat around the table in the garden howling out songs and christmas carols and waving to every aeroplane that came by. yeah then we basically sat around and talked and talked and talked. when we finally decided to go up to my room we exchanged presents and lovenotes/cards. which were so freaking sweet and touching. thanks for all the presents everyone.i love them much. then we talked some more and slept at 6 in the morning and woke up at 8 because some people had to leave. so i am going to die now. anyway those who didn't have to leave sat around and talked somemore and ate junkfood for breakfast. so it was super fun. thanks to everyone who made it such a lovely and memorable party/sleepover. love you guys loads and loads (you know who you are).

i have piano later. i will not fall asleep in piano. i will not. i cannot. haha i am giving up and going to take a nap. and christmas just means so much more if you believe in jesus.

P.S Tanneh i'm really really sorry for laughing so uncontrollably but it was just so unexpected. heh. to make it up for you i'll never play the video for you ever again and fine you weren't crying :D

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

ok so i'm broke but who cares. its for a happy cause. christmas presents all set yay. except for one which i have to get tomorrow morning cos i didn't have enough cash on me. orchard road is seriously packed by the way. and there's this new shop at wisma which is pretty funky. can't remember the name but its just opposite happy house. so my efficiency amazes me especially since the past month or so has been spent agonizing over what to get people. but i am far from feeling accomplished because the christmas cards/notes have not been written yet. and they have to be by tomorrow. and i want to write them now but i am not in a sentimental mood. and then thing is i have so much to say but nothing to say if that makes sense. to top it off i owe tanneh a lovenote so i have to think of twice the things to say haha otherwise everything will be repeated over again. oh well night time is good for sentimentality. right? haha i dunno. i am most effective at night at any rate. definitely not a morning person. i digress. my room is as neat is it will get until the major overhaul right before school starts. thanks yan min for the christmas card, you'll get yours tomorrow. ok off i go

Monday, December 20, 2004

i am back from japan. hahah. i was back last night actually. japan was fun. i like skiing and i decided that i quite like winter. its a very pretty season and i like snow. real snow, not like the horrid type in snow city. only drawback to winter would be the cold. i can ski now hahah, make that i can ski without falling down every 10 seconds now. i actually managed to do my chinese homework on the plane ride home but somehow my three pens managed to die on me all at the same time so i ended up doing it in pencil which should hopefully be fine. food in japan rocks but its good to be home. i missed my lovely bed.

today is going to be one crazy rush. i have the afternoon to finish my christmas shopping by tomorrow because the class christmas party is tomorrow at my house. and there is a major problem, the tree is not decorated and my mom has to go to jakarta this afternoon meaning all that will be on the tree are lights. trust me, you do not want to leave the tree decoration to me. then i have to finish writing all the christmas cards. oh help me. remind me why i should have been smarter and finished most of the above mentioned tasks before i left for japan.

ok now replying to various tags.
Mich: Hi mich. i saw your tag on sunday actually hahha. and you won't be bored for long. class party is TOMORROW. haha can't wait
Eric: I see you have found my blog rather quickly i may add.
Yan Min: I will fix the credits now after this entry. haha happy?
Mie: Hey mie i missed you too. see you tomorrow though. yay
Fren: uh who are you?
Shu: I'll discuss it with you when i see you online.

Monday, December 20, 2004

okay.i will leave for the airport in about one hour plus plus. back from church camp. it was awesome. god is awesome. its been very different from last year, more subtle in a sense. see i left camp not on a high but i dunno i was just really peaceful and calm inside. like i knew god was calling me but i didn't really know what he wanted me to do, where he wants me to go with my life but there was just this peace from knowing that whatever it is he calls me to, he will always be with me, that there's really nothing to worry about because he is in me and i in him. if that makes any sense. spent a lot of time just quietly speaking to him and hearing his voice. i think through it all it was quite clear that he's calling me to be more that what i am. that he wants more for me and that i wasn't really living in complete surrender to his will. and something that really struck me was if we really believe in the message of the gospel, a gospel that brings such joy and hope to us why should we be ashamed of declaring our faith loudly to those around us. he suffered that we might be redeemed, why let his suffering go to waste by keeping quiet about it? and the last night when we just sat there and prayed for three hours straight that was just such a revealing time. i think god moved more powerfully through that time than if we just did the three hour worship. its when you can worship god in silence, without the music, without the songs just with your prayer that you know it is true worship. that you know its not just a high. and i'm really grateful for that time because i think god really revealed himself to me. and you're just struck with how great he is, how much he loves you and how much he's done for you that you just kneel there and cry. cry because of how in awe you are of him. and for the first time you truly see the full power of his glory.

ok yes that's it about camp. just had a huge plate of pasta for dinner but i am still very hungry i have no idea why. off to japan i go. whoopee.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

my room looks like a warzone. the effects of trying to pack for japan and for camp tomorrow. yes i won't be around for the next 2 weeks until the 19th except for a small window of time on sunday when i get home from camp and fly off at night. don't miss me too much. especially you moni. have fun in the temples in india snort snort. i am watching the amazing race. africa looks scary. everyone is seasick. bwahahaha.

i finally got my ic done today. i freaked out when the paper said there were 23 people before me. but it was quite fast cos people disappeared so they skipped many many numbers. the fingerprint machine thing is quite funkay. i don't like taking photos. i always look funny. then was the friendly at crescent. quite bummed out cos the game kept getting interrupted by the rain. my slacks are super muddy and my fbts inside actually got wet. which was quite gross cos i didn't bring change. left early when we were still losing cos i had to go for piano but apparently in the end we won which is good. really good.

i rushed down to piano feeling all gross and sticky and with wet shorts and was late. but haha the teacher talked a lot today. about the education system and blah blah blah. then i panicked because monisha was supposed to pass me shorts for the camp tomorrow but we forgot and i spent half an hour dialing her number because her handphone was in the car boot. gahh.

then my brothers ordered japanese pizza for dinner which i did not want but they did not care anyway. so i walked out to the italian restaurant and bought myself a takeaway pasta. whoopee. packing should be pretty much done. have to wake up early tomorrow so i shall be going soon. how exciting. off to church camp. where are you christmas is such a sad sweet song. i should stop playing it on repeat.

i think i need more practice in self-control. i say very randomly. then again i never was able to deal with frustration very well. its improved quite a bit. oh well i can't seem to crap up anything to blog about tonight. i shall go finish up the remnants of packing left to do, read the newspapers and go to sleep. such an interesting life i lead. bye bye room, bye bye computer, bye bye boredom, bye bye world. don't miss me too much.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH devastating news. i will not be flying on singapore air. no movies to watch. no little screen in front of me. ahhhhh die die die. what am i going to do on the flight. maybe the chinese homework will get done after all. it may actually come in quite handy. yes that is all i have to say. brilliant. it is so uber late. why am i not sleeping. bad ellen. you have to wake up early tomorrow you know. and you have a game to play in the afternoon. its a long day ahead of you. wait its already started. go sleep you dumbo.

remind me not to talk to myself. everyone has gone to sleep. i hope my brothers did the laundry. my maid went back for a holiday yesterday you see. the house is now pretty much in chaos. my mother is trying to domesticate me and my brothers to no avail. you should see my version of making a bed. HAHA. at least i can wash dishes. only my skin peels cos there are enzyme things in the dishwashing liquid that digest your skin. that's what we learnt in bio. and that's also why everytime we had stinking home ec i always ended up with peeling hands which is very annoying

so sad. we have not go the christmas tree yet. bummer. i bet it won't be up before the class christmas party. how sucky. i like having nice lighted up, decorated christmas trees. oh and i think its quite funky because shangrila put christmas lights on the trees so at night when i'm leaving school after training you can see the lit up trees. ok i sound like a little kiddy. this is the third time i am blogging tonight. ok the last entry isn't counted. my bed has papers sprawled all over. how am i going to sleep. i talk too much. and its not like i talk sense. or anything that is worth reading. but you see i need to alleviate boredom. ok i will go sleep now. so i will not fall sicker. wheeeeeeeeee

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

if you're interested check out this link. its quite...moving. http://ecards.worshiptogether.com/soldierStory/relaunch.html#

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

i think i am falling sick. what an awful time to get sick. gahhh. throat hurts, nose is blocked. wonderful. absolutely wonderful. this morning i sorted out my mother's thousand and one insurance policies. why she has so many i do not know. my aim of finishing the chinese rubbish tonight will not be met. considering i haven't started. bummer. i feel so unaccomplished. i was in such a rush this morning. i had to go change the shoe size for the thingie and drop off the presents at church for the angel tree gifts thing where we buy christmas presents for the children at chen su lan methodist home. then i had to rush over for training which was quite bummed out cos it rained. but the teacher was so nice cos he brought us chocolates. haha i am won over so easily.

tomorrow will be a super super busy day. i have to go and make my ic finally, go for a friendly game with crescent (which we absolutely HAVE to win) and then i have to rush down to piano and hope i'm not late. and i have to fit in packing somewhere. pack for church camp and japan. good luck to me.

oh ahha the class sleepover is going to be at my house. good luck to my house man. hopefully it emerges in one piece. ok i am highly bored now. what's new. for some reason there's no one on msn to talk to. maybe everyone is on holiday. i shall go and play games now, and conveniently ignore chinese. i'll bring on the holiday. maybe do it in the plane. yah right, i'll be watching movies like crazy on the plane. hopefully they show all the movies i missed during the exam period. ellen says hopefully.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

yay the stuff is appearing. and this layout is courtesy of yan meen. haha thanks yan meen. my brothers are just plain weird. they have been putting makeup on the guy sims. right. hahah. finally finished reading the handmaid's tale. now to get the other books. ok i have nothing to blog about. but i am highly bored now. soooo. i should start packing for church camp. i think i have no time to finish what i need to do before church camp. i have the next 2 days to finish the stinky chinese 5 year series. my room looks like a disaster and will probably stay that way.

ok think ellen think. prioritize. tomorrow morning i will go and make my ic, go for training and finish chinese at night. on weds i will pack and probably finish more chinese and have a friendly in the afternoon. no i think ic on weds. gahhhh. remind me why all this should have been done earlier? and when i come back from japan i will have to finish christmas shopping and the stinking chinese scrapbook which i bet will totally suck and look like complete crap. do i look remotely artistic to you? i'd rather do more chinese 5 year series.

Monday, December 6, 2004

new layout haha. finally. it was long overdue. but there's something wrong with the sidebar. the links and tagboard aren't appearing and i can't figure out why. they appear on the archives page though. i shall go back to staring at the html

Monday, December 6, 2004